Can My Husband* Legally Withhold Money From Me: The Facts Behind the Situation
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
If you wonder, 'can my husband legally withhold money from me?' you might suffer from financial abuse. If you don't feel safe financially, or your husband unfairly shares your assets, it's time to consider getting help to get your marriage on track before your financial situation worsens.
Can My Husband Legally Withhold Money From Me?
Whether you're married or divorced determines if there are laws governing how a husband handles money.
*Note that this article is for general, informational purposes only, and it should not be considered legal, tax, or investment advice. For help with your specific situation, contact the appropriate professional.
During Marriage
During your marriage, no laws state how one husband should handle money. If you suspect your husband withholds money, you can't take legal action unless you file for divorce. However, you can seek professional support from a financial counselor to help you both get on the same page financially.
During Divorce
During a divorce, there is more the courts can do. For example, spouses cannot hide any money during divorce proceedings; if they do, they could be held in contempt of court and face penalties. Both spouses must disclose all bank accounts, investment accounts, and other financial resources during divorce proceedings.
After Divorce
After divorce, you may still have rights if you think your husband is hiding money. For example, if you know your ex-spouse received a raise but didn't increase the child support he or she pays, it could violate the court order, and you could take him to court.
Separate Property vs. Marital Property
You must understand some key factors when deciding if your husband is withholding money from you. First, you must determine your state laws. There are nine “community property” states. If you live in any of the following states, most assets held within the marriage are to be split equally in divorce.
Arizona
California
Idaho
Louisana
Nevada
New Mexico
Texas
Washington
Wisconsin
However, if you live in an “equitable distribution” state, it's not necessarily a 50/50 situation. Instead, the judge will split assets and award financial compensation based on what they feel is fair.
Community Property vs. Equitable DisTRIBUTION
Community property states treat most assets as joint assets in a divorce, at least as long as those assets were acquired during the marriage. Therefore, unless your ex-spouse can prove the assets were not part of your joint accounts or used for collective purposes, they all become a part of the assets split evenly during a divorce.
Separate Property Examples
Separate property is any money or assets you or your ex-spouse brought to the marriage. For example, if your husband received an inheritance from his grandfather before you got married, it's separate property. In fact, an inheritance often by default is considered separate property even if it is actually inherited during the marriage.
However, there are loopholes. If he or she commingled the funds with your marital property, the separate property might not be separate any longer. If you can prove you benefited from the funds during your marriage, they become part of the marital property and evenly split in community property states.
To keep property separate, whether an inheritance or otherwise, it’s best to never commingle it with marital property.
Marital Property Examples
Marital property is money or assets both spouses can claim in a divorce. For example, if you have a joint account and both parties contribute to it throughout the marriage, it's marital property. It will be split evenly or fairly in an equitable distribution state.
As I said above, even separate property can become marital property if you include it with the marital assets. Therefore, if you have any assets you want to keep separate, you should never mix them with your marital assets. For example, if you receive an inheritance, keep it in separate accounts.
Dealing With Controlling Financial Behaviors in Marriage
If you're still married and feel like your husband controls the money, there are some ways you can deal with it. If you can't handle it yourself, consider getting support from a financial counselor who can help you get on the same page and share the finances.
Responding to Your husband Placing Claim of Money to Only Himself
Sometimes husbands get territorial over the money they make. For example, if your husband works and you don't, he might claim the money he made, stating you don't have any say in it.
He / She may exert financial control and not let you see the bank statements or make you ask for money when you need it.
If this sounds familiar, it's time to get support. A professional can help your husband understand that trust is the most important thing in a marriage. Both parties should have access to joint bank accounts, and neither of you should feel like one spouse is withholding money from another.
What Rights Does a Husband Have Over a Wife and Their Money?
Please know that a husband has no rights over a wife and their money. You have the same rights to your marital assets as your husband does. It doesn't matter who works or even who makes more money.
You have equal rights to marital assets and can equally make decisions regarding your financial information, household expenses, and how you handle the money. In addition, a husband withholding money during divorce is not allowed.
Is Money Withholding a Form of Abuse?
You might not realize it, but withholding money is a sign of abuse. It's not physical abuse but rather mental and/or emotional. If your husband decides how the money is spent and doesn't give you equal access to the funds, it's a form of abuse and must be addressed.
Knowing the Signs of Financial Abuse
Financial abuse, like many signs of abuse, can look many different ways. However, here are some of the most common forms I come across in my practice:
A husband refusing to let the wife work
A husband controlling all financial accounts and bills, not informing his wife of their financial status
Making a wife ask for money to buy things like groceries or pay for medical services
Hiding your own bank account or credit card
Opening an account in a wife's name without her consent
What to Do in This Situation
Knowing what to do when dealing with financial abuse can be challenging. For example, if you confront your husband, you might worry about your safety. But if you let it go, the situation will only worsen.
If you feel safe, here are some steps you can take;
Make copies of all important financial documents
Open a separate bank account
Change passwords to your accounts
Consult with a financial couples counselor or coach
Talk to trusted friends or family members about your situation
Dealing With Being Cut Off by a Husband
If your husband has cut you off financially, consider your next steps. No one can or should live that way, so here's what to do.
Consider Your Marital Status
If you're still married, try to get a third party to intervene for you so you have the necessary funds to survive. If that doesn't work, consider moving in with a friend or family member who can care for you until you figure things out.
Determine the Credibility of the Threat
Refrain from assuming your husband will follow through with the threat. If he's spewing words to make you mad or for revenge, he may not follow through with what he said he'd do. If the threat is real, and he does follow through, consult an attorney at that point if you haven’t already.
Communicate With a Divorce Attorney
If you've exhausted your options to save the marriage or feel unsafe, find a credible divorce attorney to help you. You have legal rights even if you get divorced, and your husband cannot cut you off, leaving you with nothing.
Educate Yourself
Along with hiring an attorney, do your research and understand your rights. Divorce isn't a simple answer or process, but there are legal rights everyone has, including the following:
Temporary Spousal Support Money
The court may award you temporary orders for spousal support. This ensures you have enough money for your living costs while the divorce proceedings are happening.
Contractual Alimony
Contractual alimony is the money the court order states your husband must pay you after the divorce is final. Your husband is required by law to pay this; if he doesn't, you can take him back to court for violating the court order.
Spousal Maintenance
A judge may also order spousal maintenance. This could be an option if you won't have enough money or assets to cover your regular living costs after the divorce. This is usually the case if you don't work or otherwise make enough money to cover your living costs, or if you can't work because of your own disability or that of a child (including adult children) whom you care for full-time.
FAQs
How Do You Divorce a husband Who Makes the Income in the Home?
You can divorce a husband who makes the income, and the assets will be divided equally in community property states or fairly in equitable distribution states. Depending on the situation, you might be awarded alimony or spousal maintenance and/or have to get a job following the divorce.
Can a Spouse Withdraw Money From an Account Without Any Permission?
Spouses don't need permission to withdraw money from an account if their name is on it. Both spouses have equal access to a joint bank account, and one cannot stop another from withdrawing funds.
Can My Husband Legally Withhold Money From Me: The Bottom Line
When wondering can my husband legally withhold money from me, it can feel frightening. The good news is that if you get divorced, the courts will follow the law, meaning your husband will have to share the marital assets however the judge seems appropriate. However, if you stay married, get help from a counselor or coach who understands couples and finances and can help you reach an agreement to handle the finances properly. If you're interested in seeing what financial counseling is all about, take advantage of my complimentary consultation!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
