5 Signs You May Benefit From Financial Counseling for Couples
Is money stressing you out, and is that stress causing problems in your marriage or relationship? Then you may want to try financial counseling for couples.
A handful of sessions can help you and your spouse come together, understand how the other feels, and then because of that, develop sound financial goals and start managing money as a team.
Read on and schedule a meeting if you want to learn more!
What Is Financial Counseling for Couples?
Financial strain, disagreements about money management, and avoiding the topic altogether are leading causes of relationship strife. Many couples even regularly fight about money, and yet whether the conflict is overt or unspoken, either way unresolved financial stress among partners can lead to a worse financial situation and/or separation or divorce.
Couples' financial counseling is essentially a blend of relationship coaching and financial coaching, helping couples get on the same page about money. Money counseling can help you come together about financial planning, financial goals, spending habits, financial stress, and other key financial issues you may be having or wanting to work on. It'll also help you avoid financial disagreements and stop fighting about money.
Financial counselors can help couples work through their financial problems and beliefs. That way, you can understand yourselves and each other better, including how each of you views money.
How Does Financial Counseling for Couples Work?
Financial couples counseling involves looking at each person's relationship with money. A financial counselor might explore each person's history with money from when they were young, past relationships, and societal or cultural messages about money.
That way, they can create a foundation of understanding their partner better, which will help them to set money goals that work for both of them. A couple should leave financial counseling with the power to communicate about their financial life with each other.
Financial therapy, which is overlapping but may have differences, can also be conducted by a marriage counselor, family therapist, financial therapist or marriage and family therapist. This work can be part of overall couples or family counseling, or on its own focusing solely on financial stress.
Financial Counseling vs. Financial Coaching
Financial counseling helps you tackle the relational dynamics in your financial life, in addition to the practical and tactical part of money. In the case of marriage counseling around finances, it involves understanding and unpacking more about your and your partner's relationship with money. With that foundation plus clarity on your current financial situation, then you and your significant can start discussing and aligning goals and visions so that you can create a joint financial prosperity plan.
On the other hand, financial coaching can be more long-term and may involve more day-to-day money management or other accountability. A financial coach or financial planner can help you find exercises to help manage or prevent future conflict about money, but they may not get into the nitty-gritty of the communication and relational piece.
My programs are a blend of both counseling and coaching, as I bring my background as a Certified Mediator and former Financial Advisor to help you with both the emotional/relational and also the tactical/practical parts of finances within your relationship.
Signs You May Benefit From Couples Financial Counseling
When looking into financial counseling for couples, you should consider the benefits. Obtaining this type of counseling can help you and your spouse come together around the financial aspects of your relationship.
That way, you can have a healthier marriage or relationship. In addition, money counseling will reduce anxiety over money and expenses.
Here are some signs that you might benefit from financial counseling.
1. Consistently Fighting Over Money
If you find yourself often fighting about money, whether due to a money imbalance with your partner, financial infidelity, or other troubling financial behaviors, then financial counseling may be for you.
If you have disagreements about more than money, consider a marriage counselor or family therapist that can help you with all aspects of your relationship. You'll have a space to talk about your money concerns and other issues with your partner. Then, a financial counselor can help you both come to a middle ground regarding spending and other money habits. That way, you can learn to understand where each person is coming from.
2. Getting Behind on Bills
Even if you haven't started fighting yet, you may want to find a couples money therapist if you can't keep up with bills. You can use the counseling sessions to explore why you can't pay all your bills on time. Financial coaches or a financial advisor may also be options to consider.
Maybe you're spending too much money on unnecessary expenses. Or perhaps the bills are getting too expensive without changing your spending habits. A financial counselor can help you get back on track before it starts affecting your relationship.
3. Debt Is Building Up
Having a lot of debt can also be a source of conflict around money. For example, maybe you and your spouse have different ideas of paying off debt. Perhaps one person wants to focus on the more significant debts while the other wants to pay off the loan with the highest interest.
Regardless of the disagreement, debt can come between partners. Meeting with a counselor can help you find common ground and formulate a plan to tackle your debt as a couple.
4. Impulse Shopping Is Becoming a Problem
The occasional impulse purchase may not cause issues around money. However, if one partner is always buying things on an impulse, that can cause a problem.
For one, it can lower your ability to pay bills. You may also disagree about when an impulse buy is acceptable and when you need to think about a purchase. Financial counseling for couples makes sense in this case.
5. You Feel Controlled With Money in Your Relationship
Money should allow you and your partner to feel free, especially if you have enough of it. However, if money feels restrictive, then you have a problem brewing.
Maybe your partner makes much more than you, so you feel like you can't spend their money or that they deserve to make all of the big financial decisions. On the other hand, maybe you each seem to view money entirely differently. Whatever the reason, couples with money anxiety can benefit from financial counseling.
How Financial Counseling for Couples Can Help
Financial counseling for couples can help you in a few ways. Whether you have frequent money fights or make a lot of impulse buys, you aren't alone.
Before you let those issues come between you and your partner, here are some ways that financial counseling can help.
Improves Mental Health and Peace
When you attend financial counseling sessions, you can talk about money in a safe space. You and your partner can practice empathy around finances, letting each person talk about their feelings and listen to what the other person says.
Especially if you’ve struggled to this on your own, then these conversations can make a huge difference. With the financial counselor’s support, you’ll leave your session feeling like you can talk about your concerns and address peacefully any financial worries at home.
Strengthens Your Relationship as a Couple
If you and your spouse can get on the same page regarding finances, you may be able to strengthen your relationship overall. Various money issues can derail your relationship, even if the other aspects of your life are fine.
The sooner you can compromise on finances, the sooner you'll be able keep money fights and bay and enjoy your marriage. While you may still disagree about some things, you'll be able to have a good relationship overall, and money will be a positive piece of it!
Walk Through Better Coping and Communication Strategies
You can find ways to independently cope and talk about money problems in individual therapy, but smart couples realize that they must work together to succeed. A couples financial coach or counselor can make that process easier, giving you support, structure, and even exercises to help you talk about money.
After finishing your counseling sessions, you can use those exercises to learn to work together and cope with money stress as a couple, even without regular couples financial counseling.
Increases Motivation to Work Together
It can be easy to think you have to work out money issues separately, especially if they stem from how your parents raised you. However, financial counseling helps couples work together on their finances.
For example, maybe one partner has more reservations about debt or investing, but the other partner has experience with them, so they can help their partner open up to new ideas!
The Clarity to Help You Both See Financial Results
A financial counselor for couples can also help you set goals to work on as a couple. As you work on those goals, seeing changes in your financial habits, and ultimately positive results, will help you trust each other more. Progress with your budget, paying off debt, and building wealth will also you satisfaction and also bring you closer together.
You and your partner are better together, and that growth will help motivate you to work together before making a significant investment.
Fosters Stability and Guidance to Move Forward
The more (constructive) conversations you have about finances, the better you and your spouse will feel. Then, if future financial struggles develop, you'll know how to tackle them, often even without financial advisors!
You can also set goals that help you reach financial stability, helping you to enjoy your marriage and not let your money values become a bigger relationship issue.
Final Thoughts—Finding Couples Financial Counseling
Financial issues can take a toll in even the healthiest marriage. If you find this a problem, you may want to consider financial counseling for couples.
You and your spouse can talk about your differences with money to help understand each other and then set goals to help work as a team toward a better future.
To see if couples financial counseling is a right for you and your spouse, schedule a free consultation today.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
