How to Talk About Money Before You Get Married
How to Talk About Money Before You Get Married
Knowing how to talk about money before you get married is important. If you can't talk to your spouse about money, what can you talk about?
It can feel overwhelming or even embarrassing, but here are the best ways to discuss marriage and finances.
When Should You Talk About Finances in a Relationship?
As soon as you know you and your significant other are getting serious, it's time to talk about money. It can be awkward even in the most secure relationships, but it's one of the most important conversations you'll have, and you should do it before you say, 'I do.'
Money Conversations You Must Have Before Marriage
Having the money talk before getting married is important, but what should you discuss? Here are the top things to talk about before marriage regarding money.
Money Mindsets and Beliefs
You both probably come to the relationship with different money mindsets and beliefs. This doesn't make one spouse right and the other wrong; it just means you have different money stories and learned how to handle money differently.
Talk about money openly, discussing your spending habits, how you feel about savings, and how you feel about carrying debt or being debt free.
Life and Financial Goals
Marriage and money go hand-in-hand, but you must be on the same page. So, before you get married, talk about your life and financial goals together. You might find you have many similarities and some differences.
The key is to meet one another halfway. Find financial goals you have in common, plus goals of each spouse that you can save for and meet. If you don't see eye to eye on your financial goals, be willing to compromise to find a happy medium rather than shutting one another out.
Your Financial Backgrounds
Don't be afraid to share your personal finance background, even if yours is filled with student loan debt, bankruptcy, and high amounts of credit card debt. Let your soon-to-be spouse see the big picture, the whole picture. Honesty is the best policy, and being open with each other will also help you have each other’s backs!
No one is perfect, and there is more than one way to manage money, so when you share your backgrounds, you'll see where one another comes from and what challenges or strengths each brings to the table.
Debts and Credit History
When discussing marriage, you'll have to talk about credit scores eventually. This can be more nerve-wracking than talking about getting married for some people, but it's important.
If you plan to buy a house together or get any other financing, your loved one must know your credit history and the true picture of how much debt you have.
Do you have student debt? What about credit cards? Are you a saver or a spender? You should share these things with your soon-to-be spouse so that you can understand where one another comes from.
Spending and Savings Habits
After the wedding, you'll quickly figure out your spouse's spending and savings habits, but wouldn't you rather know upfront?
For example, if you love to save money and your spouse loves to spend money, you're on two different wavelengths. It’s not necessarily an issue, but you should be working together to manage you differences. Going into the marriage, you can have the money talk about how you'll handle your financial obligations and the way you'll decide how much spending is okay.
You want to be on the same page financially, so this is one of the most important things to discuss before marriage.
Estate Planning
Of all the questions to ask your future husband, talking about what to do with your finances when you die probably isn't at the top of your list, but it is important.
Life happens fast, and if you aren't prepared, it can leave the other spouse in a difficult situation. Together, you should talk about your ideas for estate planning including who will have a say in your medical and financial life if you can't make decisions or otherwise act, and who are the beneficiaries that will get your assets.
Prenups and Postnups
A prenuptial agreement or postnup is a legal agreement regarding how you'll handle your assets if you divorce. It can be one of the harder topics in your money talk, but it's important.
If you don't have a prenup, the state will decide how you divide your assets, and for some, it doesn't work in their favor. It's one of those topics to discuss before marriage or if not, then during the marriage, at which point it would be a “postnup” or postnuptial agreement.
Other Financial Obligations
When discussing marriage and finances, make sure to cover all your bases. If you have other financial obligations, let your significant other know; don't hide it. For example, if you have child support or alimony from a previous relationship, disclose it.
You should also disclose any other loans, liens, or financial issues you've had that could come up in the marriage. Again, honesty is always the best policy.
Tips for Starting the Money Conversation
Now that you know money is one of the important marriage topics to discuss, it's time to learn how to have the money conversation.
Take It Seriously
Talking about finances in marriage is one of the most important conversations you'll have in your marriage. So make sure you set aside time to talk money and that you are both in the right frame of mind to be serious and discuss your money values.
Ask For Help
It's okay to ask for help if you don't know where to start. However, your financial future depends on the outcome of this conversation, and you two are not comfortable talking about money together, then a professional can help get the conversation going.
Tell the Truth
Don't hide anything, no matter how bad it is. Getting finances in order is imperative before you say I do. Hiding money matters, not disclosing what's on your credit reports, or not disclosing all your bank accounts could lead to accusations of financial infidelity and marital problems.
How to Combine Finances After Marriage
Once you're married, you must know how to manage finances in a marriage, including combining your finances. This might make you feel nervous, and you may even hope you can have separate accounts, but knowing how to combine your money (however you two agree) to reach financial security is important.
Managing Money Together
How should married couples split finances? As you learn how to combine finances after marriage, you must consider how you'll manage the money. While both parties should have a say in your financial planning, you might put one person in charge of bill paying or balancing the checkbook.
The key is to allow both parties equal access to all financial accounts. You should have at least one joint bank account, even if you each keep a separate account too. Discuss which bills will come out of each of the bank accounts, who is responsible for overseeing the finances, and how you will tackle retirement planning.
Whose Insurance Should You Be On?
After the wedding, you should discuss whose insurance you should be on. Getting married is one of the major life events that qualifies you to change policies, and you should take advantage of that opportunity if it makes sense.
Look at the total cost of premiums, deductibles, and what is covered to determine which health insurance policy makes the most financial sense.
How Much Will You Spend on the Wedding?
Make sure you talk about how much you will spend on the wedding in your money conversations with your future spouse. This could be another area you have differing opinions. Try to meet on middle ground, considering your joint financial goals and how wedding expenses could affect them.
Do You Want Kids?
It’s never to early to talk about having kids, as getting an idea if you have the same values regarding expanding your family is essential. If you talk about having kids in the near future, you'll need more money saved now than if you plan to wait. How will you plan for the worst?
When discussing money, also discuss how you'll handle the worst. Again, no one likes to think of the worst happening when discussing marriage, but it's necessary to be prepared.
Discuss savings accounts, investment accounts, and any other precautions you have (or want to have) in place should there be a sudden need for money.
How to Legally Separate Finances in Marriage?
If you and your soon-to-be spouse decide separate accounts are best for you, having separate accounts is legal, but that doesn't mean the accounts and/or their contents won't become marital property after you're married, especially if the account contains money earned during the marriage. If you divorce in the future, the money will get split according to the law, no matter whose name is on the account.
How to Talk About Money Before You Get Married FAQs
How Do I Approach My Partner About Money?
It can feel overwhelming to approach your partner about money, but talking about money is one of the most important things you can do. Try framing your request to talk about money in terms of what you two want to create in your relationship and the benefits you see for both of you from having these money conversations. If you can't bring yourself to talk about it, get the help of financial professionals to ensure you're on the same page.
How Do You Address Money Issues in a Relationship?
Before you say, 'I do,' have a method to address money issues. No marriage is perfect, and money discussions and disagreements will happen, but if you have a plan to handle them, you can prevent them from getting out of control and causing more problems. If it does feel out of control, consider a financial counselor to help with your marital and money issues.
How Often Should Couples Discuss Finances?
It’s pretty hard to talk about money too much when making financial decisions. While you shouldn't shove it down one another's throats, having regular monthly money meetings can be beneficial to your financial success and marriage.
How to Tell Your Partner About Debt?
Don't be embarrassed to tell your partner about your debt. The more honest you are upfront, the easier it is for them to believe you on other money matters. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, but showing them as soon as possible will have fewer negative financial implications for your marriage.
Do You Inherit Your Spouse's Debt When You Get Married?
If a spouse has debt before they get married, it typically belongs to them only. If they got divorced later, the other spouse wouldn't be responsible for that debt, but debt accrued during the marriage often gets split 50/50. Consult a local accountant or attorney about your specific situation.
Money Conversations to Have Before Marriage - The Bottom Line
Don't skip the necessary money talk before marriage. There are multiple things couples should talk about before marriage. Have this talk as early in the relationship as possible so you both understand the situation. You should discuss financial responsibilities, goals, debt, and histories to ensure you're on the same page or can find your way there. Learning how to talk about money now, before you get married, will make any of the tough conversations that inevitable happen during the marriage that much easier. Click here to take the "What's Your Couple's Money Personality Type?" quiz now!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
