Marriage Counselor or Financial Coach? A Couples Financial Coach's Take on Which One You Need
Marriage Counselor or Financial Coach? A Money & Relationships Expert Takes on Dave Ramsey
Money is a top cause of relationship stress, breakups, and divorce. When couples face financial issues, they want to find their way to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
But what kind of professional is best-suited to give you the support you need?
Dave Ramsey’s blog post -- “Marriage Counselor or Financial Coach: Which One Do You Need?” -- tries to bring some clarity to this conversation.
He analyzes some stressful money situations. Then, he suggests whether to hire a (1) Marriage Counselor or (2) Financial Coach.
I’m a Couples Financial Coach and Certified Mediator. I’m also a former Tax Attorney and Financial Advisor. Keep reading to see where I agree, disagree, or even suggest a third choice.
Some initial points:
Dave Ramsey is a trailblazer in the family finances space. He’s helped countless families take control of their finances. In doing so, he demonstrated the value of Financial Coaching. That’s part of why I can be a Couples Financial Coach today, so I’m grateful to him.
His blog post is pretty solid. But there are several key points I want to make. Either way, my post is not an endorsement of Dave Ramsey or his approach.
Each spouse below could benefit from both therapy and Financial Coaching. Heck, we all could! Still, I’ll share my take on which professional should be the primary option.
Below, I’ll analyze Dave’s seven situations. Then, I’ll discuss some other common money issues + which professional I recommend. Finally, I’ll tell you more about my Couples Financial Coaching.
My Takes on Dave’s Takes
Situation #1: You’re dealing with financial infidelity.
Dave’s Take: This is an intense breach of trust, so call a Marriage Counselor.
My Take: A Financial Coach for couples *may* work if the financial adulterer shows remorse + a clear willingness to work on the money & trust issues. Be sure to pick a coach who can help you navigate hard conversations and emotional issues.
If the financial adulterer is in denial or otherwise facing severe challenges, then a Marriage Counselor is your best bet.
Situation #2: Your spouse won’t budget with you.
Dave’s Take: Use a Financial Coach to help the couple get on the same page.
My Take: Budgeting together makes sense only if you have a shared vision and plan.
To get there, you’ll need to learn how to have healthy money talks. This involves sharing and working through your emotions together.
Creating a shared vision and plan also means digging into your numbers. Without both, there will be unnecessary challenges.
So, make sure you pick a Financial Coach who can do numbers *and* emotions.
Situation #3: You’re considering bankruptcy.
Dave’s Take: A Financial Coach will help you understand its effects and find a solution.
My Take: Contact both a Bankruptcy Attorney and a Financial Coach with relevant experience. The attorney will help with the legal stuff. The Financial Coach should help with the tactical and emotional sides.
Talk to the attorney and the coach, and see whether you want one or both.
Situation #4: Your spouse has a gambling problem.
Dave’s Take: Gambling is “an addiction”; call a Marriage Counselor. Get “the gambling problem sorted out first,” then shift your focus to the money challenges.
My Take: I disagree...partially.
For an addiction, it’s best to see a therapist. However, a Marriage Counselor may or may not have that expertise.
Find an Addiction Psychiatrist or Addiction Psychologist. Even better if they have specific experience with gambling addictions.
I do agree about dealing with the addiction first. This will lead the way towards healing and stability.
In the meantime, focus on wellness and only your most-urgent financial needs.
Some ideas include:
Buy only essentials;
Use your emergency funds as needed;
Explore a non-bank loan; and,
Consider a credit card with a 0% (introductory) interest rate/APR.
A Financial Coach can help with this part. Remember: even if you’re not ready for a complete money overhaul, every little bit helps. And if you can take on more, then go for it!
Situation #5: You’re getting married next month (or very soon).
Dave’s Take: Work with both a Marriage Counselor and a Financial Coach. This way, couples improve their relationship and their finances.
My Take: I agree that couples who are getting married should seek both types of support!
The Couples Financial Coach’s work should build on the Marriage Counselor’s work. Therefore, choose a coach who can go beyond the budget. A Financial Coach with the proper training (i.e. in Mediation) is best. They can help you tackle both the money and communication pieces at the same time!
Situation #6: Your spouse is a “hider” (i.e. they aren’t fully transparent about their spending, debts, etc.)
Dave’s Take: Use a Financial Coach. He sees being a “hider” as less intense than financial infidelity, so you don’t need a Marriage Counselor.
My Take: I agree that if the hiding hasn’t gotten super serious, then a Couples Financial Coach is suited for the job.
For example, a coach may suffice if your partner just doesn’t mention the occasional fast food or small-ticket Amazon purchase.
Some examples of hiding that may warrant a Marriage Counselor’s help include:
Hiding entire accounts (i.e. pretending they don’t exist)
Refusing to file tax returns
Opening up PO boxes to hide financial correspondence
Lying about income, expenses, credit score, etc.
Financial hiding damages trust, often leading to strong feelings and fights. Healing this requires healthy dialogue, so pick a Financial Coach who can be a neutral third party.
Situation #7: You’re both broke, and you need money.
Dave’s Take: Use a Financial Coach, as they help spouses deal with these problems “all the time.”
My Take: I agree!
My Take on Other Common Financial Issues
Do you find yourself saying these phrases? Here’s who to tap for help:
“My partner spends way too much, and I’m a saver…”
A Couples Financial Coach can help you navigate your different financial habits.
“How can I protect my assets in case of a divorce?”
A Family Law Attorney can help you draft a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement. There’s a lot of stigma around these, but they’re not just for wealthy people.
In fact, they can operate as a marital insurance policy. By guaranteeing fairness in case of divorce, each of you is free to sacrifice for the family's benefit.“I’m scared that I’m not investing enough for retirement…”
A Financial Advisor can help you invest to fund your retirement, i.e. through a 401(k), 403(b), Roth IRA, IRA, etc.
“When I pass away, I want my assets to go to the right place…”
An Estate Planning Attorney will draft documents to honor your wishes.
“We’re not on the same financial page/we barely talk about money…”
To bridge this gap, a Couples Financial Coach provides structure, accountability, and mediation.
“How do I protect my family if I get hurt, sick, or die too soon?”
A Financial Advisor helps families figure out which insurance products would protect them. An Estate Planning Attorney may also help, i.e. by drawing up a “trust” or helping with tax planning.
“I need tax help!/Can I get a deduction for working from home?”
A Tax Accountant or CPA is your go-to tax expert. They’ll help you navigate your income, deductions, credits, and more.
“My mental health challenges are hurting my marriage…”
A Couples Therapist can help you navigate your mental health challenges. They can also teach you how to keep connecting and supporting each other.
“How can we pay off our debt and/or improve our credit score?”
Financial Coaches and Credit Counselors can help you create and act on a debt payoff plan. They can also answer your key credit-related questions.
“We need help budgeting, i.e. for a down payment, vacations, etc….”
A Couples Financial Coach will help you with budgeting, which is key.
They’ll first help you get comfortable talking about money. From there, you’ll clarify your key goals and current financial situation.
Then, you’ll make a plan to achieve those goals. And finally, a Couples Financial Coach will help you to execute the plan!
12 Common Financial Challenges + The Right Referral Partner
My Work as a Couples Financial Coach
I’ve been called many names, i.e. Couples Financial Counselor and Couples Money Coach. I prefer The Couples Financial Coach.
In any case, I help you and your partner go from financial overwhelm, anxiety, or fighting…
...to financial clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
I’m a Certified Mediator and former Financial Advisor with a law degree from Duke and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. I also host the Couples Financial Coach Podcast. Basically, I think about relationships and money all day long.
See, financial stress is a top cause of divorce. And I have personal experience with divorce -- the hardest time in my life. Yet, there are so few people who specialize in helping couples navigate financial stress!
With my background, I saw the chance to make a big impact. So, I became a Couples Financial Coach.
I’ve helped couples go even from the verge of divorce back to being best friends.
While working with me, my clients have negotiated big raises and paid off tons of debt.
They've combined finances, reopened businesses, and purchased dream homes.
My clients have funded weddings, realized they could fulfill their dream of adoption, and more.
I do this by helping couples to:
Create trust & safety around money talks;
Understand their own + their partner’s relationship with money;
Clarify their key goals and current financial situation.
As a team, come up with a joint vision for Financial Prosperity;
Make a plan to achieve those goals; and finally,
Execute the plan and make their goals a reality!
The pyramid structure for Pathways to Prosperity, the program offered by The Couples Financial Coach, Adam Kol
What do you think?
Who “wrote it better” — Dave Ramsey or me?
Sound off in the comments!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
