Millennials’ Money Anxiety
Millennials often have a lot of anxiety about money.
We’ve witnessed two recessions, the cost of upper education increased by nearly 260% from 1980 to 2014, and buying a house is more challenging than it was for our parents.
We’re told that saving a small percentage of our paychecks and skipping brunch will help us pay for a home downpayment, student loans, healthcare, weddings… but in this economy, it can feel impossible to make any financial progress.
I'm Danielle Wayne, and as an anxiety therapist for millennials, I understand how money often adds to my clients’ anxiety. Here, I’ll discuss a few common anxiety symptoms around money and ways you can manage them.
Guilt and money anxiety
When you purchase a non-necessity, do you feel guilty?
This kind of guilt is common if you experience anxiety around money.
Maybe you anticipate feeling guilty, so you triple-check your email to make sure you got a copy of your receipt. Or maybe you keep the tags on new purchases for a couple of days.
Next time you’re feeling guilty about purchasing something, try compassionately asking yourself a few questions:
What’s really bothering me? Do I feel guilty about the purchase, or is something else making me feel this way?
If I’m feeling guilty about the purchase itself, is it worth the guilt? Did that purchase significantly decrease my bank account or hinder my financial plans?
If you often find yourself feeling guilty about purchasing things, examine your spending habits. You might be buying things too often for a “thrill,” which, in my experience, typically signals that something else is going on.
Panic and money anxiety
Do you wake up in the middle of the night in a panic about your student loan payments? You might frantically check your bank account’s activity for autopayments. On another tab, you start researching refinancing your student loans.
Maybe you suddenly feel overwhelmed thinking about retirement and immediately do a rehaul of your budget. You cut personal spending down to nearly nothing.
If you have anxiety, waves of panic about money are common. When we’re anxious, some things feel like a bigger deal than they are. When you suddenly feel panicked about money, try the following:
Breathe. Slowly take big, deep breaths and check-in with yourself. You’ll make better decisions when you have a clear mind.
Put it down. Stop what you’re doing for an hour or so. When you come back to it, you might feel differently.
When we’re anxious, it’s tough to let things go. Try your hardest to get some space from the issue and then take action.
Overthinking and money anxiety
Do any of these sound familiar?
The “mortgage calculator” on Google is always open in your browser—you’ve tried endless combinations of down payments to monthly installments.
You’re always mentally running through your budget.
You can’t fall asleep at night as you second-guess and overanalyze your financial choices.
Overthinking, or “ruminating,” is one of the hallmark symptoms of anxiety. It’s good to be thoughtful and careful about our finances, but there’s a point where it becomes unhealthy.
Next time you suspect that you’re overthinking money, try the following:
Ask yourself if obsessing will change anything. If I keep refreshing my investments app, will it change anything?
Set boundaries. It’s not easy, but try to limit the time you’re “allowed” to think about your finances. Maybe Wednesday evenings are for finances, and you avoid thinking about money for the rest of the week.
Stopping overthinking is easier said than done. I know that it’s tough! But even small shifts can make a big difference over time.
Avoidance and money anxiety
Maybe you’re taking the opposite approach: avoiding thinking about money altogether.
Although this helps us feel like we’re escaping anxiety, it actually worsens the problem in the long-run. Avoidance often eats away at our sense of calm and autonomy, which adds to the uneasiness you may generally feel because of anxiety.
Next time you find yourself avoiding your finances, try the following:
Do one thing. Maybe open your bank account app and sneak a peek at your balance. It’s scary, but doing one small thing might provide some relief!
Set a date. Create an event in your calendar for checking your 401K, setting up a savings account, or assessing your budget. My advice: set the date sooner rather than later so you don’t agonize over it.
Whatever you do, be kind to yourself. If you’re avoiding money, that usually means you’re scared, and it’s okay to be freaked out sometimes about money!
Self-criticism and money anxiety
Anxiety causes us to question ourselves. We also become our harshest critics.
If you unkindly speak to yourself about your finances, your anxiety may be acting up.
Why did you buy that? You’re so impulsive!
You spent way too much on takeout this month. Why are you so lazy with groceries?
Why aren’t you putting more into your 401K? You’re lucky you have a job that contributes at all.
Many of us don’t speak kindly to ourselves. Next time you criticize yourself over money, try the following:
Talk to yourself like a friend. You would never speak to them that way!
Take a moment to assess how bad the situation is. Buying a candle is not a reason to insult yourself (nor is anything, for that matter).
If the situation isn’t great, understand that treating yourself poorly won’t help. Loving and understanding yourself will serve you way better.
Anxiety can be so frustrating. Try to be patient with yourself as you work through it.
Relationships and money anxiety
Our relationships with money are complicated. So are our relationships with our partners! When these two things combine, new problems arise.
If you find yourself feeling anxious about money and your relationship with your partner, try the following:
Share your feelings. Be open about your insecurities and anxieties about money. If your partner doesn’t know, they can’t help you.
Discuss differences. How does your partner spend money? Do you disagree? Is that giving you anxiety and causing tension in your relationship?
Make a plan. Discuss having joint or separate checking accounts, talk about retirement, ask each other about kids and if you should start saving for them, and more.
These are hard conversations, so it’s normal to feel anxious about them. After you have these conversations, you’ll get clarity and hopefully relieve some anxiety about money and your partner.
Normalize money anxiety
It’s normal to have anxiety about money. Try not to isolate yourself because you feel ashamed—other people probably feel the same way.
My ultimate advice is this: to treat your money anxiety, treat your anxiety. If you have anxiety about money, you probably have anxiety about other things.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
