I Need Advice: My Husband Wants Separate Bank Accounts
Money can cause problems in any relationship, especially when both partners don't agree on how to handle it.
Many couples fight about spending money, but another common reason is when one person wants separate bank accounts and the other does not.
Many people assume having separate accounts means the marriage is in trouble or that being married means you must combine finances. Neither is true, but if you're thinking, ‘My husband wants separate bank accounts, and I'm worried,’ this post is for you.
Why Does My Husband Want Separate Bank Accounts?
When your husband wants separate bank accounts, the first thing to consider is why he wants this. It's easy to jump to conclusions, assuming he doesn't trust you or wants to hide something, but it's often much deeper than that.
Start by asking your spouse why he wants separate accounts. Some common reasons include:
Some people need a sense of financial independence, and having joint bank accounts makes them feel too restricted
Your spouse may have a lot of debt that he doesn't want to burden you with, so he would prefer to keep his finances separate so he can handle his own debts
If your spouse grew up with parents who kept separate bank accounts, it may only feel right to do the same in his own marriage
Your spouse may have some financial anxiety and worry that there won't be enough money to cover the bills or other financial responsibilities if he shares his personal accounts
When you get to the real reason, it's easier to communicate with your spouse about how you feel and find a middle ground.
Knowing that your spouse wants separate accounts for reasons that have nothing to do with you or that he doesn't intend to cheat or lie can be reassuring and help you support his decision.
Is It Better To Have Joint or Separate Accounts?
If your spouse wants separate bank accounts, you may wonder if that is the better option or if joint accounts are best.
Unfortunately, there is no right or wrong answer. It depends on your relationship, how you handle money, and the financial goals you and your spouse have.
Some couples do best with separate bank accounts because it eliminates arguments about spending habits or not having enough money in a checking or savings account. In contrast, others need the reassurance of having access to all assets.
Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Whether you opt for joint or separate accounts, the key is to find a system that works for your relationship, aligns with your financial goals, and allows open communication.
Some couples that I work with end up having a combination of separate and joint accounts. They keep a joint account for household bills and other shared expenses and separate bank accounts for personal expenses or spending.
This is the best of both worlds for these couples, providing both financial security and a sense of independence.
Reasons Not To Have a Joint Bank Account With Your Spouse
If you're starting to wonder if your spouse is right and separate accounts are the right choice, here are five reasons to consider having your own bank account:
You want financial privacy: Having someone see every swipe you make with your credit card can be daunting, especially if you're used to being independent. A separate bank account allows you to make purchases without anyone overseeing how you spend money. This works well when you want to purchase gifts or have personal expenses to handle and don't want to share them with anyone else.
You and your spouse have different spending habits: Money fights often start because of irrational spending. If you are a saver and your spouse is a spender or vice versa, it can cause a lot of arguments. Having at least a small separate account allows you to use your own money as you see fit without having to answer to anyone else.
You worry about money: If you have financial anxiety, you may always worry that you won't have enough money to cover the bills or other necessary expenses. Having a separate account where you can save money 'just in case' may give you the peace of mind you need.
One partner makes more than the other: If your income isn't equal or close to it, there can be some frustration when the lower-income partner spends money. To avoid unnecessary arguments about spending, you can keep separate accounts while creating a plan to cover household expenses.
Both partners can be accountable: When you have joint bank accounts, letting one partner take control of the finances is easy. Before you know it, the other partner doesn't have a say in how the household finances are handled and feels like they are 'in the dark.' Having separate accounts keeps both partners in the loop.
Pros and Cons of Separate Bank Accounts in Marriage
Deciding whether or not to share bank accounts is a big decision. Here are some pros and cons of keeping your money separate.
Pros
You have greater control and privacy when managing finances and can avoid hard feelings
Reduces the risk of unnecessary arguments between partners regarding spending
Prevents one partner from covering another partner's debts created pre-marriage
Cons
It can be challenging to access the funds in an emergency if the account owner isn't accessible
Paying bills and other financial planning tasks can be challenging
Reaching financial goals can be more complicated
How To Separate Money in Bank Accounts in a Marriage
If you and your spouse decide separate bank accounts are the ideal financial arrangement for your marriage, here's how to make it happen.
Make a plan to cover household bills: Decide how you'll handle the bills, whether you split them evenly or according to each person's income. Ensure each partner understands which bills they are responsible for covering.
Decide if you'll have joint and separate accounts: Many married couples have one joint account, and each partner has a separate one. The joint account covers the essentials, and the separate accounts allow each person to use the funds however they want. This offers the best of both worlds, ensuring the household bills are covered while providing some independence.
Set financial goals together: Even if you have separate accounts, you can set joint financial goals. The key is to set goals together, create a plan to reach them, and then hold one another accountable.
Regularly talk about money: Just because you have your own accounts doesn't mean you and your spouse shouldn't talk about money. It's even more important when your money isn't together. Whether you have money issues or you're just trying to practice financial transparency, regular money dates ensure you are on the same page.
For additional support, consider speaking to a financial coach.
FAQs
Is It Normal for Husband and Wife To Have Separate Bank Accounts?
There isn't a 'normal' way to manage finances in a marriage. Some couples prefer to have their own account to pay bills and handle expenses, and others like to join finances.
It's a personal preference for each couple, and as long as you are covering your bills, sticking to your budget, and trying to reach your financial goals, you're doing what's right for your relationship.
Are Separate Bank Accounts Safe from Divorce?
Separate accounts are marital property during divorce as long as the funds were deposited during the marriage. This means if you're in a marriage, you aren't sure it will last, so keeping a separate account for your money won't prevent the judge from including them in the assets.
Should a Wife Have Access to Her Husband's Bank Account?
There isn't a law stating a wife should have access to her husband's bank account. It's up to each couple how they want to handle their money.
Some couples like full financial transparency, while others prefer privacy. The key is to have beneficiaries named, such as your spouse, on the account should anything happen. Without your spouse named on the account, they will not have access to it even upon your death.
How can you Legally Separate Finances in a Marriage?
The only way to legally separate marriage finances is to create a prenuptial agreement. This ensures both partners are on the same page regarding their finances and provides certain legal protections if you divorce.
If you don't have a prenuptial agreement, the only other way to legally separate finances is during divorce court, when the judge decides how the assets will be divided.
How Many Bank Accounts Should a Married Couple Have?
Every couple has a different number of bank accounts. Some prefer one account, and others have several joint and separate accounts. You should have a number of accounts that help you and your spouse handle your financial responsibilities and reach your goals.
Should Married Couples Have Joint Accounts?
There is nothing wrong with having a joint account with your spouse. It may help you feel closer to your spouse and provide accountability that makes you feel safe in your relationship. If it causes arguments, though, you may want to consider separating accounts.
My Husband Wants Separate Bank Accounts: Should I Agree?
Whether you should agree to your spouse's request for separate bank accounts is a personal decision.
Determine why he wants to separate your finances and see how it feels. The reason may be innocent enough that it makes sense, and as long as you are on the same page regarding your budget, spending, and accountability levels, it can work well for your marriage.
If you and your partner need financial counseling to get on the same page, schedule a consultation today!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
