Top 3 Goal Setting Tips for Couples
Today’s video and blog are about how to set goals with your significant other.
I’ll take you through the 3 steps to get on the same page and set goals. From them, you can work towards them together to have the life and relationship you want.
Step #1: Get Settled
What I mean here is to get settled in what your financial realities are and aren't.
It doesn't mean you can't change them for the future. But you need to know where you're at right now.
So, look at your:
income;
expenses;
assets; and,
debts
Step #2: Get Curious
This is where the partnership aspect comes in. Sit down with your partner, undisturbed, and have an open dialogue.
You may not be an expert at having these kinds of “dive in deep” conversations
So, I'll give you a great tool to make it much easier. What’s that tool?
Open-Ended Questions
Let’s say you call your partner from the grocery store. “Do we need orange juice?” This is a closed-ended question. It requires only a “yes” or a “no.” That’s it. Of course these questions can be useful, as with when you’re shopping for juice!
But when it comes to goal setting, you’re talking about deeper topics. Retirement, having kids, going back to school, starting a business, where to live.
Open-ended questions are not yes or no questions. They don’t lead to a specific set of replies. Instead, they invite your partner to reflect deeply and share with you.
They usually start with “how,” “why,” or “what.” For example:
What are your thoughts about having another kid?
How do you feel about your career?
Why do you prefer to retire at 50 with less money than at 60 with more?
If you’re asking open-ended questions, I promise you’ll hear things you didn’t expect to hear. You’ll keep learning and understand your partner -- or whoever you’re speaking with -- better and better.
Step #3: Get To The Values
Imagine your partner says: “I'd like to retire when I'm 50.” Well, you can take that for what it is: they want to retire when they're 50. Perhaps you’d think that if they have to wait longer, they might not be happy.
Or you can look for what’s underneath it, looking at what the values are.
Q: “What does that mean to you to retire at 50, and why would you want to do that?”
A: “Well, I want to travel the world and do volunteer work.”
You now understand your partner much more! Plus, now you might explore traveling and volunteering even before you retire!
Or maybe they answer: “I'm just worried about my body breaking down because I have an intense career.” That would lead to a whole other conversation!
Bottom line: if you get to the values underneath, it’ll open up many more possibilities.
When you just write down the specifics, i.e. I want to retire at 50 in Hawaii with $10 million...
...it starts to feel like you either get it all or you fail.
But what if it's like:
I want to enjoy my life. I watched my parents struggle to their seventies. I want to have that freedom to explore this planet. And I want to be able to read and breathe and create art…?
Now, you have much more insight into how you might together create the lives you desire.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
