What To Do? My Wife* Doesn't Work but Complains About Money
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
If you think, "My wife doesn't work but complains about money," you might wonder what grounds she has to stand on to complain.
It can feel frustrating knowing you are working hard to make money and your partner makes nothing, but that doesn't mean she has no say in the family finances.
Why Does My Wife Complain About Money
Even if your wife doesn't work, she might be concerned about your financial issues. If she worries that you don't have enough money, concerns about overspending money, or wonders if you can meet the household expenses, she may complain.
It may feel like a burden to you, but to her, it's her way of communicating her concerns. Even if she doesn't work, she's a part of the household and contributes in her own ways, such as caring for the house or the kids.
What To Do if My Wife Doesn't Work but Complains About Money: 7 Steps To Resolve the Issue
If you're tired of the fact that your wife doesn't work but complains about money, here are seven simple ways to resolve the issues.
Step 1: Initiate Open Communication
Communication is crucial in any relationship, especially when dealing with money issues. Your wife may complain about money because she doesn't know what's happening. If you keep her in the dark, she may only complain because she knows nothing about your financial assets.
Money discussions are crucial to keeping both partners on the same page. You can both provide input on handling the household income, how to spend money, and how to reach your financial goals.
Step 2: Understand Her Perspective
It can feel frustrating to hear one partner complain about money when she doesn't work, but not working doesn't mean your wife doesn't have financial responsibilities. Not knowing what's happening with all the bills, the bank account, and financial assets can be troubling.
Let your wife tell you her feelings and try to empathize.
For example, if she feels like she's shut out from the financial planning because she doesn't work, figure out ways to include her. Ensure she understands the total household income, household bills, bank accounts, and where you stand with your financial responsibilities and goals.
Step 3: Review the Household Budget
If your wife's chief complaint is you never give her enough money, or she's worried that you have money problems, let her see the household budget.
Create a budget together that covers your financial obligations, makes room to save money, and ensures your household's financial health. Let your wife have a say in the budget, the household expenses, and what goals you save for so she feels like you are on even ground.
Step 4: Set Financial Goals
Every couple needs financial goals. You may have separate and joint financial goals, and that's okay. The key is to listen to and try to meet both partners' needs. Prioritize the goals based on order of importance and timeline, allowing room to reach as many financial goals as possible.
For example, if it bothers your wife that you have credit card debt, consider making paying off debt a priority in your budget.
You may also include goals such as saving to buy a house or car, paying for your child's college education, or saving for retirement. Remember, your wife needs a retirement account even if she doesn't work; she needs to feel independent, too.
Step 5: Explore Employment Options
If your wife doesn't work but not working makes her feel inferior, consider employment options that would allow her to feel like she can contribute financially. Some examples include working from home, working part-time, or at night.
Step 6: Seek Financial Marriage Counseling
If your wife doesn't work but complains about money and you can't handle much more of it, consider financial marriage counseling.
A counselor who understands finances in marriage can help you see eye to eye and work around the financial inequality in the house. Marital problems, including financial problems, don't have to ruin your marriage.
If managing your finances, handling monthly expenses, and discussing financial matters are causing strain on your relationship, it may be beneficial to seek support from someone who can provide assistance and guidance.
If you're ready for guidance and support from a financial counselor, schedule a consultation today.
Step 7: Emphasize Mutual Support
The key to making any marriage work is mutual support. You must be on the same page for simple and difficult topics like money.
Making spending decisions can feel like a big job, especially when one partner isn't contributing financially, but you must be supportive of one another to make the marriage work.
Chances are the decision for your spouse to stay home is a mutual decision, so now it's time to support one another even if there are financial troubles.
Disadvantages of Relying on a Single Income in a Family
There's no doubt about it that relying on a single income is difficult, especially if you have kids. When only one spouse works, you are 100% reliant on their income. If something happens to that job, your family could experience financial pitfalls fast.
When you diversify income in the family unit, dealing with a financial blow, such as losing a job, is easier.
But, every family makes the decisions that suit their family the most. For some, being home with the kids and caring for the house is more important than being away to make money.
The key to making it work is open communication and a workable budget that allows you to pay bills and have a financial plan you can follow.
How Can I Help My Wife Understand Our Financial Situation
Helping your wife understand your financial situation can feel overwhelming, especially if she isn't already in the loop.
Take it one step at a time when having money discussions. If you need relationship advice for couples, don't hesitate to get a financial marriage counselor who can help you communicate effectively with your spouse.
How To Manage Money as a Couple?
How you manage money as a couple is a personal decision. Every couple handles it differently, but everyone needs a budget, a monthly allowance, and a way to communicate about their finances. There isn't a right or wrong way to handle money except not talking about it.
How Do You Handle Things, Such as Housing Costs, That Married Couples Often Tend To Split?
Shared expenses can feel tough when one partner doesn't work. However, you decided, together, to have one partner stay home, so you must have a plan to handle all the household expenses.
Rather than focusing on what your partner doesn't contribute financially, focus on how she contributes to the household to help you have a happy house.
What if My Wife Disagrees With Everything I Say?
If your spouse disagrees with how you handle money or thinks the money problems are your fault, consider talking with a financial counselor.
A neutral third party who can talk to your spouse about the finances and get you both on the same page can help you have a happier marriage and reach financial success.
How To Discuss the Idea of Your Wife Contributing to Finances by Working
If you're having money troubles and need more income, it may be time to talk to your wife about working. The idea may be met with reluctance, so don't assume it will go well.
The key is to come up with the decision together rather than telling your spouse she must work. Discuss the financial issues you're experiencing and how it might help alleviate some stress if your spouse worked.
What if My Wife Refuses To Work?
If your wife refuses to work, try other ways to make more money. Can either of you start a side hustle, or can you ask for a raise at your job?
The key is to problem-solve instead of point blame. You may also consider changing your financial habits to have more money available each month.
Should You Leave if Your Wife Won't Contribute Financially?
Everyone has different ideas on handling a reluctant spouse that won't work. Again, if it's a decision you made together, try finding other ways to solve problems rather than assuming you must end the marriage. Most issues have a solution that doesn't involve such drastic measures.
FAQs
What if My Wife Doesn't Want To Work at All?
Respecting your wife's decision if she doesn't want to work is important. Try to understand her reasoning and determine how you can handle the joint finances without another source of income.
Is It Fair To Expect My Non-working Wife To Contribute Financially?
In a perfect world, contributing financially is something both partners would want, but that's not always the case. A non-working spouse likely cannot contribute to the household finances, but she may be contributing in other ways that aren't financial but still beneficial.
How Can We Ensure That Discussing Finances Doesn't Harm Our Relationship?
The best way to ensure money discussions don't turn into arguments is to have a financial marriage counselor helping you. Let a professional help both partners see both sides so you can determine how to handle the financial issues.
How Can We Set and Achieve Financial Goals as a Couple in This Situation?
A non-working spouse can have financial goals, too. In fact, having goals helps everyone make smart spending decisions, which can help keep the peace in a marriage.
How Do You Deal With a Financially Irresponsible Wife?
If you feel your wife is financially irresponsible, you may want to seek financial counseling. A professional can help your wife understand the issues her spending causes and how it affects the household income.
How Much Allowance Should a Husband Give His Wife?
There isn't a certain amount of allowance a husband should give a wife, nor are there laws on handling money between a husband and wife. When deciding how much a partner should get, it should be a shared decision that works for both partners.
Is Financial Irresponsibility Grounds for Divorce?
Financial irresponsibility can feel like grounds for divorce, but it doesn't have to be. There are ways to take steps forward to achieve peace and harmony in your marriage with everyone on the same page.
Invite Equality and Open Communication Into Your Marriage
The key to a happy marriage is honest and open communication and equality.
This doesn't mean if one partner earns money and the other doesn't, you aren't equal. There are many ways to contribute to a marriage, and not all are financial.
If your wife doesn't work but complains about money, consider seeking financial marriage counseling. This can help you get to the root of the problem and help you move forward.
If you're interested in financial counseling, schedule a consultation!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
