3 Steps to Spoil Your Wife or Husband...Even When You Can't Afford It.
You want to buy or do nice things for your partner. But you also want to limit your expenses.
What can you do?!
Today, I’ll share the three key steps!
Step #1: Check In With Your Budget
First, get clear on how much money you have coming in and going out. Suss out where it’s going, i.e. what kinds of expenses you have.
Then, consider your priorities. Step back and think: “What actually matters to me?” If you're spending money in those areas, then keep it up!
But if there’s misalignment, then see what you can cut. This may mean you free up money without much impact on your quality of life. If it’s enough to spoil your partner how you’d like, then you may even stop here!
But let's say it's still tight. And/or you want to get them something expensive. Then continue on.
Step #2: Get Vulnerable
Go tell your partner what’s going on. Does this sound ridiculous? Just stay with me.
When I first started my business, I wanted to keep my expenses low. I also wanted to do nice things for my partner at the time. So, I told her: “I want to be able to do nice things for you. I want you to feel cared for. Some of those things cost money that I can’t responsibly spend right now. I feel some shame that I can't do so.
This is hard for anyone. Men may have a particular struggle here, no matter our partner’s gender. This is because we’re socialized that much of our value lies in our ability to take care of our partner and family.
My vulnerability touched my partner. I expect that yours would touch your partner, too.
Step #3: Get Creative
You’ve laid out your heart. Now you and your partner can put your heads together!
Keep in mind: they’re probably not with you because you spend money on them. They're with you because you care about each other.
And you don't love them because you spend money on them. You spend money on them because you love them.
Let’s boil it down, then.
Money helps you show your love, share experiences, enjoy life, and build the future you desire.
Does that resonate?
Now, is money the only way to achieve those aims?
No! So, now we can get creative!
Here are some ideas that can achieve those aims:
Prepare a nice meal
Bring your partner water and food when they don’t feel like getting out of bed
Sharing some of your favorite memories together
Sing them a song you both love, etc.
Your partner will appreciate the thoughtfulness and creativity!
To Recap:
Step #1 is to get where your money’s going and ensure that it’s aligned with your priorities.
Step #2 is to get vulnerable. Share the situation with your partner and how you feel about it.
Step #3 is to get creative! You can show love in so many different ways, even without much to spend. Plus, you can work on this with your partner. And they’ll often appreciate the effort as much if not more than they would’ve appreciated the spending.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
