The Top Three Myths About Money and Relationships
Myth #1: “It's better to just not talk about money.”
Talking about money may have led to fights in the past. It may be very uncomfortable. Or you might think that you don’t know much about it. These kinds of thoughts can lead to a posture of: “Let's just not talk about it.”
Well, here's the truth. Money’s on our minds each day. *Not* talking about is what leaves you with an ever-present stress and anxiety. No plan, no progress, no partnership. That’s a recipe for a worsening discomfort and disconnection in your relationship.
Now, imagine how life would be with financial clarity, partnership, and peace of mind. *That* is what will give you more energy, freedom, intimacy, and joy.
Story Time:
One client came to me with serious money conflicts. The husband’s biggest complaint was that this meant he couldn’t turn their house into their dream home. Within days of starting my program, he was doing all kinds of projects around the house.
How?!
It’s not because they had more money. It’s because he and his wife were starting to work together. They could see the light at the end of the tunnel. This lifted a massive weight off his shoulders. And he saw all kinds of things he could do for very low or no cost!
Myth #2: “If we struggle to talk about money, then this relationship is probably doomed”
This sentiment and fear is common.
After all, financial stress is a top cause of divorce in the United States. And the US divorce rate is about 46%.
We all have money baggage. I have money baggage. You have money baggage.
Now put two people together in a relationship, trying to find common ground about money. What a challenge! If you two struggle, you’re not unique. And with the right tools and frameworks, getting on the same page is more than possible. You are not alone, and you can do it.
Here are the keys to having better money conversations:
Get curious about your partner’s point of view
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt
Be courageous, and share your thoughts even when it’s uncomfortable
Be humble. Acknowledge how your words or actions hurt your partner, even if unintentional
Reflect on your perspectives about money and how you show up in these conversations
Following this advice will limit your struggles. Even more, it can lead to money talks actually strengthening your relationship!
Myth #3: “I/my partner is never going to change.”
This is common, as well. We start viewing ourselves or our partners as fixed. I’m this way, he’s that way, etc.
But here's the truth: our money mindset is malleable. You can change it.
How do I know? Well, you weren’t born with a money mindset. It’s made up of how you internalized the things we saw and experienced.
Do you agree? If so, then you agree that we created our money mindset.
And since we created our current one, then we can create a new one! It may not be easy or happen overnight, but you can do it.
By the way, the same is true of your partner, too!
To Recap:
Myth #1 is that it’s better not to talk about money. But in reality, that’s the problem. And if you speak about it in a healthy way, you’ll improve your finances *and* your relationship!
Myth #2 is that if it’s hard to talk about money, then your relationship’s doomed. But in reality, this is challenging for nearly all couples. And with the right tools and support, you can transcend those challenges!
Myth #3 is that you or your partner just isn’t going to change. But you weren’t born with your money mindset. It came about over time. Since you created it, you can also shift it. And the same is true for your partner!
Release those myths, and start having healthy money talks. You and your partner both will be much better off for it!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
