Can You Sue Your Spouse for Financial Infidelity?
Discovering your spouse hasn't been honest with you about your finances or, worse yet, put you in financial trouble, you may wonder, can you sue your spouse for financial infidelity?
While it can feel terrible to know your spouse messed with your marital estate and broke your trust, divorce or legal issues aren't always the answer.
What Is Financial Infidelity?
Infidelity of any type can hurt, but financial infidelity can put you in a bad situation because it involves your assets. Every case of financial cheating looks different, depending on what you expect in your relationship and the boundaries you set.
Like physical infidelity or even emotional cheating, financial infidelity involves not being honest with your spouse.
Unlike physical or emotional cheating, though, financial cheating may cause you to lose assets or make your financial matters more difficult than necessary because one spouse uses marital funds.
Is Financial Infidelity Financial Abuse?
Financial infidelity can also be considered financial abuse in some situations. For example, if your spouse uses money to have control over you, it can be seen as a form of abuse.
Your spouse may make you ask for permission to spend money or hide assets so you cannot leave them. These are forms of financial abuse that require the assistance of professionals to help you work through the issues and stay safe.
Is Financial Infidelity a Crime?
Technically, financial infidelity isn't a crime. There aren't any laws stating how a couple must manage their funds or one that holds one partner accountable if they don't share assets with their spouse.
For example, you can't have a spouse arrested because you discover they conceal assets from you.
However, if you discover your spouse opened credit cards in your name without your approval or gained access to bank accounts you owned separately (not joint accounts), those actions could be considered criminal.
An experienced attorney could help you determine what steps to take if you feel the actions taken within your marriage are criminal.
Example of Financial Infidelity
Financial infidelity can look different for many couples, but here are some examples:
Hidden assets, such as bank accounts that you are unaware of
Racked up credit card debt that you weren't aware of and now owe
Significant cash withdrawals at an ATM or getting cash at the register to hide the fact that you're withdrawing funds
Making large purchases without talking to your spouse
Overall, any actions that involve one spouse hiding debts, taking more money than both partners agreed was acceptable, or not using full disclosure when opening new accounts in a spouse's name could be signs of financial irresponsibility or infidelity.
Common Signs of Financial Infidelity
Understanding the signs of financial cheating can help determine if you should discuss the issues with your spouse or an outside source.
Unexplained Financial Discrepancies
If you have a role in balancing the finances and suddenly find discrepancies you cannot explain, it could be a sign of secret spending habits or other secrets your spouse is keeping from you.
Maybe you can't match up receipts to the amount of money in the bank, or you notice the bills your spouse is responsible for aren't paid suddenly. This could indicate your spouse is using funds for other purposes.
Secretive Financial Transactions
Hiding assets isn't the only way to have financial secrets. You may begin noticing your spouse has wads of cash he didn't have before, or there are an unusual number of purchases at stores your spouse doesn't typically frequent.
Many people will withdraw cash at the register, hoping their spouse won't notice the withdrawal as quickly as they would if it were from the ATM.
Hidden Credit Cards or Accounts
If you see strange credit card or bank statements, it could be a sign your spouse has secret bank accounts or credit cards. These financial accounts may or may not have your name on them, but if they do and you didn't authorize it, this is a sign of financial abuse.
Evasive Behavior During Money Conversations
You may notice your spouse suddenly avoids money conversations or gets defensive if you try to bring up your financial issues or concerns. If this wasn't the norm for your spouse before, it could be a sign that he/she is hiding something.
Unexpected Lifestyle Changes
If your spouse suddenly seems 'different,' such as wearing new clothes, adopting new habits, or even taking lavish trips, it could be a sign of financial infidelity, which may coincide with an extramarital affair, too.
Can You Sue Your Spouse for Financial Infidelity?
You may be able to sue your spouse for financial infidelity if you are going through the divorce process, but that should be a last resort.
While it can feel extremely painful to know your spouse used your marital assets for something that only benefited them, there are ways to work through the issues, get to the root of the problem, and find a solution.
Financial Infidelity as Grounds for Divorce
Divorce proceedings should be a last resort when handling financial infidelity. Acting irrationally can leave you with regrets moving forward.
Some out-of-court ways to handle infidelity include working with a financial coach or talking to a mediator. You may find that getting to the root of the reasons your spouse cheated can help both of you move forward and avoid divorce proceedings.
How Does Financial Infidelity Impact Divorce?
Every situation differs when dealing with financial infidelity.
If you find you cannot resolve your issues and want to go through the divorce proceeding, you may need to prove to the judge that your spouse committed financial infidelity. This is especially crucial if he/she opened accounts in your name without your authorization.
In most states, any marital assets used to pay for things you both benefited from, such as utilities, food, or clothing, become the responsibility of both partners.
If you have proof that the funds weren't spent on you or benefited you in any way, you may be able to get the judge to remove them from your responsibility. However, remember that if your spouse puts your name on the debt accounts, the creditors can still hold you liable.
How To Save Your Marriage After Financial Infidelity
It's normal to feel hurt after discovering hidden accounts, secret spending habits, or excessive lifestyle habits hidden behind your back, but it's possible to save your marriage after financial infidelity. The key is good communication.
You might think the last thing you want to do is talk to your spouse about money. He/she hurt you, and you want to rid yourself of the problem. But what if the issues stem from something deeper?
Talking to a professional can help both partners see through the complicated issues. Sometimes, there is a deeper issue than excessive spending, and getting professional help can get both parties to the bottom of the issue.
FAQs
How Do You Prove Financial Infidelity?
It can be tough to prove financial infidelity in court. You will need concrete evidence that your spouse either has hidden assets or opened accounts in your name without your authorization.
You'll need proof of the expenditures your spouse made and be able to prove that they didn't benefit you in any way.
How Common Is Financial Infidelity?
According to a Bankrate survey, over 23% of Americans in a committed relationship have money secrets. In addition, 39% of partners have committed some type of financial infidelity.
What Causes Financial Infidelity?
There are many reasons financial infidelity may occur. For some, it's to regain control of their lives. Some partners feel suffocated in a marriage, and regaining control of their assets makes them feel better.
Others commit financial infidelity because they are also cheating physically, or some have spending problems they cannot admit to their spouse.
How Serious Is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity is serious, but it can also be worked out. The key is to communicate about the financial information in your marriage.
When there is a problem, you need to talk about it. If you can't do it alone, enlist the help of a professional financial counselor who can work with both partners to see both sides.
Sometimes We Need To Make Tough Decisions
Can you sue your spouse for financial infidelity? Wondering this can create some heavy feelings. The asset division process and determining who is responsible for each debt in a divorce proceeding can be complicated, and it's not always the answer.
Working with financial professionals who understand how to help couples communicate can help you save your marriage and make your relationship healthier.
If you worry about your spouse's money habits or suspect financial infidelity, contact me today to see how I can help you and your spouse resolve your concerns.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
