Finance Questions to Ask Before Marriage - The 4 Big Categories
Money issues are a common reason for divorce, so knowing the best finance questions to ask before marriage is essential. Having an open discussion with your partner about your money, payment history, savings, and assets is crucial to a happy marriage.
Why Ask Financial Questions Before Marriage
Knowing your partner's thoughts about money, credit, and debt is wise before tying the knot. No one likes unpleasant surprises, especially after just getting married. Knowing the right money questions to ask before marriage can help you and your soon-to-be spouse be on the same page financially.
1. Each Partner's Financial Situation
The first set of questions concerns each partner's financial situation. These questions will feel personal, but you're getting married! It's time to learn about each other's credit card debt, savings account balances, and credit scores.
What Assets and Accounts Will You Be Bringing to the Table?
You likely know the big things your partner brings to the marriage, such as a house or car, but what about the not-so-obvious assets? Ask your partner about other assets, such as artwork, jewelry, cash, or investment accounts/retirement accounts they will bring to the relationship.
What Debts Have You Accrued?
Most people enter a marriage with some debt. While it's not ideal, it shouldn't be a deal breaker. The key is to be honest with each other about your debt, such as credit card balances, student loans, and any other outstanding debt.
Do You Owe Money to Any of Your Friends or Family?
Knowing if either partner owes money to family members or friends is essential. Unlike owing a bank or company, owing family or friends money can cause a strain in the relationship. Before you marry, you can create a plan to pay the bill off and take the pressure off one another.
What Is Your Current Credit Score?
It might feel like a personal question to ask about your partner's credit report score and history, but it will affect your future ability to buy a house or car.
Don't be embarrassed if you have a low credit score; tell your partner to do the same and share no matter how good or bad their credit score is. Credit scores don't define your wealth (or moral character), and they change monthly. If you create a plan together to become financially responsible, you can improve low credit scores for a more secure financial future.
Have You Filed for Bankruptcy or Had Other Negative Financial Events?
It's not fun to admit you filed for bankruptcy or had money problems in the past, but honesty is the best policy. Knowing when you or your partner filed for bankruptcy and when it was discharged can help you make important financial decisions together.
Do You Want a Prenuptial Agreement?
You don't have to be wealthy or famous to create a prenup with your future spouse. Most people consider it a wise decision, especially if you have an inheritance or other unique assets you want to protect.
Do You Financially Support Anyone Else?
Knowing if your partner financially supports anyone else is necessary. For example, they may pay child support or alimony if they have previous relationships. Some people also support elderly parents or disabled siblings. Again, knowing the amount committed to this support is essential.
2. Financial Expectations and Habits
It's also important to understand each partner's financial expectations and habits. Knowing how your partner handles paying bills and other individual financial responsibilities will help you determine how you'll work together financially.
Should We Combine Finances or Keep Them Separate?
There isn't a right or wrong answer to the question, 'Should we join finances?' It's entirely up to you and your partner.
Some couples like to combine all assets to make it easier to cover monthly expenses and share financial responsibilities. Others prefer to keep their money separate and divide their financial duties down the middle.
Are You a Saver or a Spender?
Each person has different financial habits, and knowing what they are ahead of time can help you create a plan for thriving financially as a married couple.
If one person likes to spend money and the other prefers to save, you may need to find a middle-of-the-road so both people feel seen and heard. For example, you may set up spending limits or boundaries for the spender to give that partner some freedom while ensuring the saver you won't go over budget.
How Do You Spend Your Discretionary Funds?
Discretionary money is your fun money or money you can spend however you want. Some people spend it immediately; others save it for vacations or other significant goals. Find out how each person spends it to create workable plans.
Are You Charitable With Your Money?
If you love to give to charity, you may want to know what your partner thinks of it, or vice versa. For example, some people believe giving 10% of their income is right, and others give only what and when they can.
Do You Prefer to Spend on Tangible Items or Experiences?
Knowing what your spouse likes to spend money on is important. Some people favor experiences, and others need tangible goods. Knowing what each other prefers helps you be on the same page.
What Are Essential vs. Non-Essential Purchases for You?
What is a 'want' for you might be a necessity to your spouse and vice versa. When you talk about money, discuss essentials vs. non-essentials. You may have to meet on the middle ground for some situations.
How Much Do You Spend Monthly on Non-Essential Finances?
When you decide which non-essential items are 'okay' with both partners, determine how much you'll spend on them. When you spend discretionary money, it helps to plan in advance how much you'll spend.
What Would You Prefer to Do With Extra Cash?
Together, decide what you'll do with extra cash. For example, will you pay off debt, save for a vacation, or have another goal? Prioritize your goals together and decide how you'll handle your additional, joint discretionary funds.
Have You Established a Relationship With a Financial Professional?
If both parties come to the marriage with a financial professional, consider consolidating. Discuss what you like and dislike about each, and see which makes the most sense given your financial situation.
Should We Carry or Pay Off Monthly Card Balances?
Ideally, the answer should be to pay off monthly card balances, but when that's impossible, consider a threshold regarding how much debt you're comfortable carrying.
3. Defining Spouse Roles
Defining roles for each spouse is essential. It puts your finances into perspective and ensures someone handles every task regarding your financial assets.
Do You Prefer to Handle All the Finances?
One partner may enjoy handling the finances and want the job. Others prefer to share the responsibilities equally. This is a big question because some people aren't comfortable handling finances themselves, and others may be uncomfortable if they aren’t controlling the finances.
Who Should Build and Monitor the Budget?
You can build and monitor a budget together, using apps like Mint that allow both parties to see the information in real-time, or you can assign the job to one person.
Who Will Handle Paying the Bills?
Paying bills is an important job. If you split the bills evenly, communicate regularly about your finances so nothing gets overlooked. Missing even one loan payment can hurt your credit scores.
Who Will File the Taxes?
Discuss whether one partner wants to handle the taxes or if you’d both prefer paying a professional to do them. Have one person responsible for collecting and keeping the tax documentation safe to save some sanity at tax time.
Which Financial Decisions Should We Make Together vs. Separately?
Being married doesn't mean you need permission for every dollar you spend, but agreeing on a threshold may help keep peace in the marriage. For example, consider items you can buy without talking to one another and the amount you consider worth a financial conversation.
Will One Spouse Stay Home With Kids Rather Than Work?
Discuss your plans for having kids. For example, does one spouse plan to stay home, or will you pay for daycare? Care.com says families spend 10% - 20% of their income on childcare. Use that figure to determine what works for your family.
4. Future Plans and Long-Term Goals
Discussing your future plans and long-term goals can help you determine the best way to manage finances in your marriage.
How Quickly Can We Accumulate an Emergency Fund?
Make saving an emergency fund priority. Consider how fast you can save three to six months of expenses to cover unplanned financial costs.
What Major Purchases Do You See Us Making in the Next Two Years?
Discuss your future plans. Do you want to buy a house or a car in the next few years? Maybe you have other significant purchases or plans that your partner needs a better understanding of to make the right decisions.
When Would You Prefer to Start a Family?
Deciding when to start a family and how many kids you want is essential to your household budget and savings goals. Knowing when your partner thinks you should have kids and how many children you two want will put other financial goals into perspective.
What Retirement Goals Do We Have as a Couple?
Saving for retirement should start early. Knowing how you plan to live in retirement will help you decide how to manage your finances. It may seem too soon, but it's one of the best finance questions to ask before marriage.
Should We Open Life Insurance Policies?
Life insurance can be just as crucial as retirement savings. Discussing the type of life insurance and how it works in managing finances is essential. Paying for insurance you don't think you'll need may seem pointless, but when emergencies happen, you'll be glad you have it.
Finance Questions to Ask Before Marriage - The Bottom Line
Knowing the best finance questions to ask before marriage is essential! You'll get to know each other better and start marriage on the right foot. This doesn't mean you'll never fight about money; all couples do. But you'll feel better equipped to handle your financial life if you discuss it before marriage.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
