How Financial Marriage Counseling Can Save Your Relationship
Money arguments are one of the leading causes of separation or divorce, but financial marriage counseling can potentially help couples get through the stress and disagreements.
Getting help from a professional who understands finances and marriage troubles can potentially help you get on the same page, be more intentional with your money, and learn how to build wealth together.
*Note: The information provided herein is not legal advice and is not a substitute for consulting with a qualified attorney to get specific, personalized legal support.
What Is Financial Marriage Counseling?
Financial marriage counseling combines the benefits of a marriage counselor with financial therapy. You get the best of both worlds to try and move your marriage in the right direction.
With a marriage counselor, you get help with marriage issues such as infidelity or addictions. With financial therapy, you get help with financial issues, such as overspending, disagreements about budgeting, or if you're considering bankruptcy.
If you combine the therapies, you get both services. For example, if your spouse has a gambling problem, you want marriage counseling to help with the addiction and the effects on the non-gambling spouse.
Still, you also need help getting your finances back on track, which a financial counselor for couples can do. Addressing two big issues at the same time can contribute to a stronger partnership and hopefully a happier marriage.
Financial Counseling vs. Financial Therapy vs. Financial Advisory
I often hear financial counseling and financial therapy used interchangeably, like marriage counselor or therapist, and they do overlap some but are not necessarily identical.
Both help couples get on the same page about their finances. Financial counseling may be offered by someone who isn’t a licensed mental health therapist, while financial therapy almost always focuses on building a couple’s understanding of themselves and each other regarding money. Financial counseling, on the other hand, may or may not delve deeply into that.
However, a financial advisor is different and distinct. Advisors don't provide any marital advice; they strictly focus on your finances, such as budgeting, investments, or growing your wealth. They don't address the emotional aspects of it.
When money feels like the issue causing the problems in your marriage, focusing on a counselor who can handle your marriage and finances is best.
Warning Signs Your Marriage Needs Financial Counseling
So, how do you know if your marriage needs financial therapy? First, know that it's not a bad thing. Getting on the same page is a great way to strengthen your marriage, creating more peace and harmony.
When you invest in couples' financial counseling, you're investing in your marriage and giving yourself the chance to strengthen your relationship and manage financial strain more effectively.
Here are some warning signs you may experience that need financial therapy:
You have separate bank accounts and feel like one partner hides financial information
You can't agree on how much money to save money monthly for short and long-term financial goals
One spouse has compulsive spending habits, leaving no money in the bank account
You're worried about filing for bankruptcy
You can't agree on how to budget
You're worried your partner committed financial infidelity
You have different financial values that cause money fights
You disagree about how to handle debt
How Financial Counseling Can Help Your Relationship
So, how can financial counselors help your relationship problems? Here are some ways you and your spouse can get help with money issues while also receiving couples counseling to help with all the marital problems.
Improved Communication
Many money issues stem from a lack of communication skills. Whether it's how you were brought up or what you're comfortable doing, a lack of communication can cause unnecessary issues within a marriage.
Working with a financial therapist, you can learn how to resolve communication issues by meeting on the middle ground so both partners feel seen and heard in the marriage.
This doesn't mean you will have the same ideas for handling money or your financial situation will instantly improve, but reducing financial stress by getting on the same page is the first step.
Building Trust and Unity
The relationship could lack trust if you've experienced financial infidelity or feel your spouse exerts unnecessary financial control.
Working with a financial therapist, you can work together through the emotional dynamics of what occurred in the relationship and learn how to get back to a feeling of unity within the relationship.
Financial disagreements, whether they are the fault of one partner or both, can create a feeling of distrust that is hard to overcome without guidance.
Working together to learn how each partner thinks and feels can open the lines of communication and eventually reduce or even come close to eliminating money problems because you know how to work through them together.
Shared Financial Goals
Getting married doesn't mean you cannot have individual thoughts, especially about money. You might have entered the marriage with entirely different short and long-term goals than your spouse, and that's okay.
Discussing your goals and seeing what you have in common is the key. A financial therapist can help you learn to listen to each other while also expressing yourself so you can create a financial plan that covers both partners' goals.
Managing Financial Conflict
Couples fight about money issues often, but that doesn't mean it's right. Getting on the same page financially can create peace and harmony in the relationship.
When there is financial conflict, it can feel like your entire marriage is falling apart because finances are such an important part of your relationship.
Learning how to address the conflict proactively and listen to one another's feelings and concerns can help you learn to have a less stressful financial life while honoring each partner's thoughts and feelings.
Reducing Financial Stress and Anxiety
Financial stress can create poor mental health, affecting your marriage. Working together to create better money management strategies can improve your financial behaviors and help both partners better manage money.
Is Financial Marriage Counseling the Answer to Financial Problems?
If you have an open mind and both partners are willing to listen to a financial coach, it can help resolve your financial issues. However, the key is in implementing the strategies provided to you and your partner.
A financial marriage counselor cannot solve your problems by waving a magic wand; both partners must be willing to work hard. This means communicating during sessions, taking in what's taught, and using it in the real world.
Finding the Right Financial Marriage Counselor
Like marriage counselors, finding the right financial marriage counselor is key, and it's not a one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one couple may not work for another.
Here's what to consider.
Qualities to Look for in a Counselor
Finding a financial marriage counselor with the qualities that resonate with you and your spouse is imperative to make financial therapy work for you. Here are some common attributes to consider:
Open-minded and willing to listen to both partners' questions, concerns, and feelings
Has an in-depth understanding of finances in marriage and how to get both partners on the same page
Unbiased and willing to help both partners through their issues to help you achieve financial wellness
Possesses good problem-solving skills to work through marriage issues and deal with money issues
Questions To Ask Before Starting Counseling
Together, with your partner, ask each other these questions to determine what you want out of financial therapy:
What are your/mine/our financial goals?
Are we in over our heads in debt?
Do we need someone to help us budget?
Are we on the same page for short and long-term goals?
Do we need help with financial planning?
Are there any issues or suspicions of financial infidelity?
Having the framework of what you want to address or accomplish in your financial marriage counseling increases the likelihood of having successful sessions.
Get Started Today
Contact Adam Kol today if you and your spouse are ready to work with a financial marriage counselor!
I'm happy to help you and your spouse achieve financial wellness, address money matters, and solve relationship problems getting in the way of your potentially happy marriage.
Financial Marriage Counseling: Real-Life Success Stories
Hear from my clients yourself how financial marriage counseling can make a big impact and in some cases, like the one below, maybe even save your marriage.
Mike and Mirna
Mike and Mirna struggled with communication skills regarding their finances, causing financial stress and marriage struggles.
With Adam's help, they were able to create a budget and a debt payoff plan to become more confident individually and in their marriage.
They are on the same page financially and have more peace and harmony in their marriage, allowing them to enjoy life to the fullest again.
Is Financial Therapy for Couples Worth the Money?
Consider financial therapy an investment in your relationship.
If you have relationship problems that stem from money management, it pays to invest in yourself. Each money counselor has different fees, but on average, expect to pay $100 to $250 per session.
FAQs
Can Financial Counseling Help Us Overcome Financial Secrets or Hidden Debts?
In your therapy sessions, you'll learn how to communicate with one another, which may allow a partner to feel comfortable coming clean about any financial secrets or hidden debts.
It can also help a suspicious spouse learn the best way to broach the topic without forcing blame or making one partner feel 100% responsible for the money issues.
Is It Necessary To Disclose All Financial Information During Counseling Sessions?
You only need to disclose the financial information you are comfortable sharing. However, the more information you share, the easier it is for the financial marriage and family therapist to help you address and overcome all issues.
How Long Does Financial Marriage Counseling Typically Last?
Each couple's counseling needs are different. Some couples need only a few sessions to get back on track, while others need a long-term plan to overcome major issues and get back on the same page.
Final Thoughts
Financial marriage counseling can be the missing piece to the puzzle in your marriage.
Whether you're looking for help in reducing debt, covering the bills, or finding financial infidelity, it makes sense to work with a marriage and family therapist with an extensive financial background to help you and your spouse get on common ground.
If you're ready to reduce marital issues and view money proactively in your relationship, schedule a consultation today!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
