40 Important Financial Questions To Ask Your Partner
Knowing the best financial questions to ask your partner is important, especially if you're ready to settle down. Finances play a huge role in your relationship.
Knowing upfront what your partner thinks about these important topics can prevent unnecessary fights and help you keep peace and harmony in your marriage.
40 Good Financial Questions To Ask Your Partner
These money questions to ask your partner are to help you start the conversation. I know it can be hard to initiate the discussion, but once you get going, see where the conversation takes you to understand your partner's financial perspectives better.
Personal Financial History
Are you a spender or a saver? Your partner may be a little bit of both, but this question opens up the dialogue to discuss how each of you views spending and saving.
Have you ever filed for bankruptcy or had a foreclosure? A bankruptcy or foreclosure can follow a person for many years, so knowing if your partner has had one or the other is important.
What is the most money you've spent at one time? See what your partner thinks is a 'lot of money.' A good follow-up question could be: what threshold do you think is fair for one partner to spend without consulting the other person?
How did your parents handle money? We often follow in our parent's footsteps, so if your partner's parents didn't handle money well, chances are your future spouse may not have the skills needed to manage money.
Have you started saving for retirement? Knowing what your partner thinks of the future can help determine his financial outlook.
Current Financial Situation
Do you have a household budget? If so, how do you see it changing when we get together?
What are your credit scores? If they are low, any new financial obligations may fall on your shoulders, so this is good to know upfront.
Do you support anyone else financially? Even if your partner wasn't married, he may support a child, parent, or someone close to him. Early on, understanding what obligations he already has can help you make future financial decisions.
What do you consider a splurge and how often do you do it? Knowing what your partner considers a splurge puts things into perspective; if it's different from your thoughts, try to meet in the middle.
Debt and Obligations
How much credit card debt do you have? This will help you determine how much of the household income must cover credit card debt.
Do you have student debt? Like credit card debt, student debt can burden the household income. Knowing upfront how much student debt your partner has and his plan to pay it off is important.
How do you feel about debt? Some people despise debt, and others are okay with it. Knowing his thoughts now can eliminate financial disagreements.
Do you believe credit cards should be paid in full? Your partner may feel that all credit cards should be paid in full upfront, or he may not have any problem with carrying a large balance. Find out where he stands compared to what you think to find a happy medium.
Savings and Investments
Do you invest? If not, do you plan to start? If your partner hasn't invested yet, find out why and how you can start together. If he's scared, consider financial counseling to help him reframe his thoughts.
What assets are you bringing to the marriage? Knowing the accounts your partner brings to the marriage can help you decide how to handle your investment and savings accounts.
Do you know how to invest? Your partner may not know how to invest but be embarrassed to admit it. Asking the question may provide relief because he may feel ready to open up.
Where do you prefer to keep your savings? Ask your partner if he has money saved and if he puts it in a savings account at a local bank, an online bank, or somewhere else.
Income and Expenses
How do you handle your disposable income? Find out if your partner loves to spend money the minute he finds extra cash or if he tends to save it instead.
What percentage of our income should housing take up? Getting on the same page about housing costs upfront can eliminate frustration when you're ready to invest in a house.
How do you think we should split the bills? Determine if your partner expects to split the bills 50/50, prorated based on each person's income, or some other method.
Will we always be a two-income household or go down to one? Ask your partner for his thoughts on going down to a single income if you plan to have kids and would prefer one partner to stay home.
Financial Goals and Priorities
What are your short-term financial goals? Knowing your partner's short-term financial goals can help you see his priorities. If they don't mix well with your goals, you can try to find a middle ground to keep both partners happy.
What are your long-term financial goals? Long-term financial goals, like retirement savings, can feel light years away, but talking about them now ensures you are on the same page.
What do you consider a 'want' and 'need'? Everyone has different definitions of wants and needs. Find out what your future spouse thinks so you aren't unpleasantly surprised in the future.
Do you plan to support your parents as they age? Supporting aging parents is common, but it's something you should know your spouse cares about upfront so you can plan accordingly.
Approach to Financial Management
How do you think couples should manage their finances? Your future spouse may have the same ideas as you or something completely different. Knowing now can help you figure out how to keep both partners happy.
How do you handle your finances? What tools do you use? Knowing how your partner handles finances now can help you understand how he might handle them in your marriage.
Do you think a prenup is important? Finding out your partner's stance on a prenup early is key. Don't take it as an insult; instead, work through why he says yes.
Do you work with a financial professional? If your future spouse already works with a financial professional, ask if you can meet him/her to see if they are a good fit for you as a couple. Also, inquire about premarital financial counseling.
Emergency Planning and Insurance
What's the best way to save an emergency fund? Get your future spouse's thoughts on how he plans to save an emergency fund and what he thinks should be done if you have to use the funds. How do you replenish them?
Do you have life insurance? Find out if your partner already has life insurance, and if he plans to increase/change it once you marry.
Do you check your credit scores and take action as needed? Someone who is proactive about their credit report may be more financially responsible than someone who doesn't even know what a credit report is.
What do you do in a financial emergency? Find out how your partner handles financial emergencies. Does he resort to credit cards or loans, borrow from family, or let things fall apart?
Retirement Planning
How much should we contribute to retirement accounts annually? Making retirement a priority in your marriage is key. Talking about how to contribute now is important.
When do you see yourself retiring? Some people want to retire in their 40s, and others don't plan to retire until they have to for medical reasons. Find out where your partner stands.
What do you see yourself doing in retirement? Ask your spouse what he plans to do when he no longer has to work. Make sure his plans line up with what you intend, or at least somewhere in the middle.
Future Plans and Lifestyle Choices
Do you plan to have children? Having children is a lifestyle and financial choice. It's important to know your partner's thoughts on the topic.
Do you plan to purchase one house or many in the future? Your spouse may plan to buy one house and make it his 'forever home' or he may be the type that likes to buy a house every few years.
Do you plan to stay in the same career? Find out if your spouse is in his 'forever career' or if he has plans to return to college or change careers in the future.
Why Is It Important To Discuss Finances With Your Partner?
When thinking about everything you can discuss with your partner, finances are probably at the bottom of your list of desires. However, it's one of the most important discussions you can have, whether you're living together, engaged, or already married.
When you and your spouse are on the same page, reaching your financial goals and having peace and harmony in your marriage is much easier.
Not knowing your partner's spending habits, how they handle their day-to-day finances, or their thoughts on saving money can be detrimental to your relationship in the long run.
Is It Okay To Ask Financial Questions of Your Partner?
It's normal to feel like you're walking on sacred ground when asking your partner about their financial life, but if you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, it's important.
Finding the right time to talk to your partner about money is the key. Having the discussion after they've had a long day at work or are stressed out from something else won't yield the desired results.
Instead, pick a time when you can both have a clear head and get your partner's perspective on money issues, including saving money, credit card debt, financial goals, and whether you should have joint or separate bank accounts.
FAQs
When Is the Best Time To Have a Financial Conversation With My Partner?
Talk to your partner about finances when he is open-minded and honest. You should both have the opportunity to say what's on your mind without being interrupted or embarrassed.
What Should I Do if My Partner Is Uncomfortable Discussing Money?
If you can't talk to your partner about money, consider getting support from a financial coach who can help both partners feel comfortable and discuss important financial questions.
What if We Have Different Financial Habits or Goals?
It's not a deal breaker if you don't see eye-to-eye about finances. Consider it an opportunity to problem solve and compromise early in your relationship.
What Are Some Red Flags To Look Out for in a Partner's Financial Behavior?
If your partner won't talk about money, has no desire to save, doesn't budget, or insists on only separate accounts, it may be a red flag in your relationship.
Communication Brings Financial Unity
Open communication will bring you and your partner closer together and eliminate financial disagreements down the road.
Consider a financial coaching appointment if you find yourselves stuck on a question or having a disagreement.
A professional can help you both communicate better about money, understand how to handle it, and figure out the best way for both of you to move forward.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
