I Need Advice: My Wife Got a Credit Card Without Telling Me
Finding out your wife opened a new credit card without telling you can feel like a slap in the face. Not only will you worry about your finances and how you'll pay the bill, but you may also wonder what else she is hiding.
Financial infidelity can be a serious problem within a marriage, but with the right help, you and your spouse can overcome the issues and learn to move forward together.
My Wife Got a Credit Card Without Telling Me: What To Do?
So what do you do if your wife got a credit card without telling you?
It can feel like your world is crumbling down around you, but first, you must put things into perspective. You must get on the same page. Ask yourself the following:
Did she intentionally hide the credit card from you, and is she making purchases on it?
Was your wife worried about your financial situation and thought having a credit card may help in emergencies?
Is your wife making secret purchases on the credit card that signify other types of infidelity?
Did your wife open the credit card to potentially surprise you for a special occasion?
These are just a few questions to determine why your spouse may have opened new accounts, adding to your household debt. Not all the reasons are negative and must be considered detrimental to your marriage.
However, if you find your spouse was secretive about the entire thing and still won't admit to the secret credit card or avoids talking about money, there could be a bigger problem.
What Is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity has a broad definition, but it occurs when a partner lies about money or doesn't disclose the full truth.
It commonly occurs when one spouse lies about money intentionally, but there are other ways it can occur, such as getting a credit card in a spouse's name without telling them.
Financial infidelity can cause marital problems and lead you both down a dangerous financial path. Understanding how it can happen is the key to preventing it in your marriage or getting help if it's already occurred.
Signs of Financial Infidelity
There are many signs of financial infidelity when a spouse does something like open a credit card without your knowledge. Here are some things to look for:
Hiding credit card statements: You might notice your spouse grabbing the mail before you have a chance or secretly opening and hiding emails so you can't see what they are doing. If you discover your spouse is hiding credit card statements, chances are she opened a credit card without you knowing or has overspent on an existing credit card and doesn't want you to see it.
New purchases: You may suddenly notice new purchases your wife makes and be unable to determine how she paid for them. If she doesn't have a separate bank account, it could signify that she took out new credit.
You feel like your wife is sneaking around: If she makes purchases without your knowledge or approval, she may get 'sneaky.' You may notice she goes to her car or spends a lot of time in her room 'organizing' when she is hiding her purchases.
Takes over the bills: Your wife may suddenly be interested in paying the bills when she didn't handle them before. This could be a sign that she has bills to pay that she doesn't want you to see.
How Do I Overcome Financial Infidelity With My Spouse?
Financial infidelity doesn't immediately mean you and your wife must divorce. There are ways to rekindle and get you and your wife on the same page financially and within your marriage. Here are a few key ways:
Learn to communicate: Communication is key when dealing with issues within your marriage, especially regarding finances. The key is to wait to talk until you've calmed down after discovering the infidelity. You should feel in control of your emotions and have an honest conversation that allows both partners to listen and understand each person's side.
Create a plan: If your wife admits to opening the new accounts, you can create a plan to pay off the credit card debt and move forward together. Before you can do this, you must get to the root of the problem. Why did she feel it was necessary to open a new credit card? When you know that reason, you can create a budget and plan to fix the issues while working to pay off the debt.
Get accountability: It's important to have someone oversee your plan and ensure both partners follow the agreement. Whether you work with a financial coach or invite a trusted family member in the process, you can have someone to help keep your relationship intact while you work on your financial future.
Financial Infidelity vs Financial Irresponsibility
When your wife opens a new credit card without telling you, it is usually considered financial infidelity, but in certain situations, you may consider it financial irresponsibility instead.
Again, it goes back to why your spouse opened the credit card and used it to spend money. Was she trying to hide something like going to dinner with another male or taking up a hobby she knows you would not like?
These are incidents of financial infidelity; they are either lies or intentional ways to keep information from your spouse.
Instead, if she opened the account because she worried about some large purchases you had to make coming up or she wanted an emergency card while you were on vacation, that would be financial irresponsibility.
She didn't share with you that she was opening the account, but she didn't do it to be deceitful.
My Wife Ran up Credit Card Debt Without Me Knowing
A bigger problem you may have if your wife got a credit card without telling you is the credit card debt she created. If you already had a carefully planned budget that didn't leave a lot of room for error, it could cause problems with your finances.
However, if you tackle the debt immediately and create a plan, you can get ahead of it and not let it ruin your finances. The key is not to ignore the debt because you're upset about it but rather figure out how to pay it off.
Am I Responsible for My Spouse's Credit Card Debt?
You might wonder if you can be held liable for your wife's debt. Whether you are responsible for it depends on whether your name is on the account and if your state is a community property state.
If your name is on the account, you are as equally liable for the debt as she is. But if your name isn't on the card and you live in a common-law state, you may not be responsible for the debt.
FAQs
How To Find Out If Your Spouse Has a Secret Credit Card?
Determining if your spouse has a secret credit card can be tricky, and it requires some detective work. Start looking at bank statements, incoming mail, and emails for payments or statements you don't recognize.
Also, pay attention to any phone calls from unfamiliar companies or if your spouse suddenly takes cash from an account without telling you why.
Are You Liable if Someone Opened a Credit Card in Your Name?
If anyone opens a credit card in your name without your permission, you can file a report with the Federal Trade Commission. Contact the credit card company, tell them what happened, and note that you've been a victim of fraud.
With these steps, you may not be liable for the debt, but if your spouse opened the card, it may not be as easy.
How To Save Your Marriage After Financial Infidelity?
It's important to get professional support if you suffer from financial infidelity in your marriage.
A financial coach can help you get to the root of the problem, create solutions, and be your accountability partner moving forward. The key is proper communication and honesty as you work through the problems.
If you decide financial counseling is right for you, schedule a consultation today.
Is It Illegal To Open a Credit Card in Your Spouse’s Name?
Yes, even though you are married, no one can open a credit card in your name without your consent.
You Can Find Financial Unity Again Despite the Setback
If your wife opened a credit card and didn't tell you, there are larger issues you may need to work on within the marriage. She may have done it out of fear, spite, or anger. It also could be an honest mistake that she didn't realize would be a big issue.
The key is to get advice from a professional who can help you understand the issues and learn how to overcome them. If you worry about your wife's financial decisions, contact me today for a consultation to see how I can help you and your spouse achieve financial and marital harmony again.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
