Jan 18 How Much Should My Husband* Make For Me To Be a Stay-At-Home Mom?

Adam Kol

*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship

You've achieved your dream of having kids, but you don't want to waste the 18 short years they are home at the office.

You want to stay home, but do you wonder how much should my husband make for me to be a stay-at-home mom?

It's a different answer for every family, but here's what to consider.

How Much Should My Husband Make For Me To Be a Stay-at-Home Mom?

There isn't a one-size-fits-all amount of income a spouse must earn for you to be a stay-at-home parent.

The amount required to make it comfortable for one parent to stay home depends on many factors, including your monthly expenses, spending habits, and financial goals, including saving for retirement or college tuition.

To stay home, you might have to sacrifice certain habits or cut back on specific expenses, but for many families, it means more to them to have a parent home with the children versus having more money.

Spouse's Ideal Income To Support a Stay-at-Home Mom

The ideal income to support stay-at-home moms is the income that covers the baseline expenses and other regular spending you do as a family.

You shouldn't struggle financially for one parent to stay home, but you may have to sacrifice slightly.

To decide if it makes sense for a parent to stay home, compare the costs of both parents working. Be sure to include childcare, commuting, and other expenses, such as the cost of food while at work.

You may find it makes more sense for the family income for one parent to stay home and cut back on unnecessary expenses while being home with the children.

Can You Afford To Become a Stay-at-Home Parent?

Again, there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer regarding whether staying at home is affordable. To decide, map out the following:

Non-negotiable expenses: such as rent or mortgage, car payments, health insurance, student loan payments, utilities, food, and clothing
Lifestyle spending: such as entertainment, eating out, vet bills, and other habits either spouse has
Work expenses: such as parking, tolls, gas, wear and tear on the car, and work-specific expenses
Financial goals: both short and long-term goals

Next, take your spouse's income and subtract the expenses above to see where you stand. You may have to rethink your scenario if the costs exceed the income.

It may not mean you have to work, but you may have to get creative, cut back, or find a side hustle you can do when your spouse returns home from work.

How To Afford To Be a Stay-At-Home Mom

Even if one spouse's income covers the monthly basics, it's a good idea to be frugal with the household income when there is only one.

To afford to be a stay-at-home parent, consider the following:

Cut back on unnecessary spending
Create meal plans, use coupons, and only shop sales at grocery stores
Shop around for cheaper insurance, cell phone, or internet plans
Consolidate consumer debt into a lower-interest loan or credit card
Refinance your mortgage to get a lower rate or lower payment
Find ways to work around your spouse's schedule to bring in some income without paying for full-time daycare

Impacts of Dual-Income vs. Single-Income

Going from a double to a single income can be shocking. Before making the decision, consider living on one parent's income while you still work. See how easy (or hard) it is to manage the bills and feel comfortable having enough money for other needs.

Remember that all the pressure is on one person's full-time job. Consider the worst-case scenarios, just in case. What if your spouse loses his job? If your husband makes all the money and he loses his job, what will you have to fall back on?

Having an emergency fund with at least six months of expenses is helpful to keep your family afloat during these times.

Financial Considerations of Becoming a Stay-at-Home Parent

Consider the following before deciding if it makes sense to be a stay-at-home parent.

Family Financial Needs

Being at home with the children may be extremely important to you, but so are your family's financial needs. Ensure the bank account will have enough money to cover the bills and allow you to spend money as needed.

Also, ensure both partners are on the same level regarding how spending habits must change if you lose one income.

Childcare Costs

The childcare costs are one of the most significant considerations when deciding how much my husband should make for me to be a stay-at-home mom. On average, infant childcare costs $8,310 to $17,171 per year.

The costs can affect your income and make working less beneficial. This is particularly true considering the emotions tied to not being at home with a child.

Spouse's Earning Potential

When deciding if all the responsibilities of earning an income should fall on one spouse, consider the spouse's earning potential.

If it's a new job, what are the prospects for it? Where does your spouse see the job going if it's an established position?

Also, consider your spouse's future plans. Is he in a career he plans to remain in, or is he thinking of a career change soon?

The solidity of his income is important in whether you should consider becoming a stay-at-home parent.

Job Security

No one can predict a job's security, but you can keep an eye on the industry and the company's performance to determine the likelihood of it continuing.

Health Insurance

Health insurance becomes an even more important topic when you have children. Next to income, health insurance is a valuable benefit that should be considered when deciding which parent should stay home.

If you have insurance, before quitting your job, examine health coverage alternatives. This includes assessing your spouse's options or exploring insurance on the Marketplace.

Lifestyle Adjustments

Consider any changes you'd have to make to your lifestyle to make a living on one income doable.

Think about the effects on each of you individually and as a couple. This consideration is important if expensive habits or significant lifestyle changes are necessary due to parenthood.

Emotional Considerations

Leaving a career is a big emotional decision, as is deciding to work and put your child in daycare. Look at both sides and see how both partners feel about it.

This is more than about ensuring you can make ends meet; it focuses on how both partners will feel emotionally with the significant change of one parent staying home.

Is Being a Stay-At-Home Mom the Right Choice for Everyone?

Not all families are cut out to have stay-at-home parents. Deciding if it's right for you takes a lot of soul searching and ensuring you can make the current income work without sacrificing too much.

It's a big decision that may require a financial therapist's help to see the pros and cons and work through the emotional part of the decision with your partner.

FAQs

Is Being a Stay-At-Home Mom a Job or a Luxury?

Stay-at-home moms work just as hard as those in the workforce, sometimes even harder.

Spending more time with your children is a luxury, but the work can be grueling, as it's a 24/7 job you don't get to leave behind and return to the next day.

Can I Be a Stay-At-Home Mom if My Husband Doesn't Earn a High Income?

A high income isn't a requirement to be a stay-at-home mom. What matters is that you can make your husband's current income work with your expenses.

It may take some work to cut out expenses and determine a budget that works, but a high income isn't necessary if you want to stay home.

How Can We Plan For Unexpected Financial Emergencies on a Single Income?

It's crucial to include savings in your budget with a single income.

Ideally, you should build a substantial emergency fund before the stay-at-home partner quits their job. Regardless, allocating a portion of every paycheck to savings is wise. This ensures your ability to manage emergencies while one partner stays home.

Can I Return to the Workforce After Being a Stay-At-Home Mom for Some Time?

Keeping up with your skills or continuing education while staying home is a good idea.

Consider a flexible part-time job or side hustle to 'stay fresh.' Alternatively, consider returning to school or taking courses before reentering the workforce. This ensures you're updated on any changes.

How Can I Maintain Financial Independence While Being a Stay-At-Home Mom?

If you stay home, you must talk to your spouse about your feelings about financial independence. Even if you aren't actively bringing home money, you provide incredible value to your family, taking care of the kids and the household.

Ensure you and your partner are on the same page about how you'll handle spending, paying bills, and your overall financial independence before leaving your job.

How Can I Make the Transition To Being a Stay-At-Home Mom Smoother?

To become a stay-at-home mom, consider talking to other moms in the same position, joining support groups, setting up your budget, and ensuring you can handle the finances on one income. Be sure to work time in for yourself.

Staying at home can be more overwhelming than working. Take care of your mental health and speak to a financial therapist if you and your spouse begin to argue or worry about money.

What Is the Salary of a Stay-At-Home Spouse?

According to a Mom Salary Survey, the average stay-at-home mom's salary would be $184,820 for all the hats they wear to keep the children and household safe and happy.

Final Thoughts

Choosing to stay home is a big decision.

While the answer to how much my husband should make for me to be a stay-at-home mom varies, there are many other factors to consider.

If you aren't sure what the correct answer is and what an unbiased opinion is, consider financial therapy to see what works best for your family.

If you want to see what financial counseling is all about, take advantage of my complimentary consultation!

Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!

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Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.

Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.

Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.