9 Financial Challenges When Your Wife* Spends Too Much Money
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
If your wife spends too much money, you might think you’re headed for financial destruction. When your financial statements all point to financial ruin, you can’t help but worry.
But there’s hope.
Yes, you’ll face financial issues with an overspending spouse, but there are ways to fix it and get your marriage back on track.
Do You Feel That Your Wife Spends Too Much Money?
Every couple has different ideas about the ideal amount of money to spend. What feels like a spouse’s overspending to one person may be much lower than what another considers overspending. What most people have in common is how they feel when their partner crosses that threshold.
It’s unpleasant to think my wife spends too much money. But there are ways to handle it so that you become a united team that sees eye-to-eye about your finances.
Related Article: What to Do if My Wife Spends All My Money?
Reasons Why Your Wife Spends Too Much Money
You might wonder why your wife spends too much money. It’s often easier when you have an answer to your problems.
Like most marital issues, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. The list is endless, but here are some common reasons:
Growing up with too little money and wanting to spend it now that they have more
Getting handed whatever she wanted growing up
Mental health disorders, such as depression or anxiety, and/or using shopping as 'retail therapy'
The need to belong (keep up with the Joneses)
None of the reasons make your wife’s spending habits feel any better. An overspending spouse can cause financial problems in the marriage, depleting your bank account.
The good news is there are ways to overcome the struggles and get both partners on the same page so that you can discuss finances and meet one another halfway.
Challenges When Your Wife Keeps Spending Money
You know your spouse’s spending habits don’t make you feel good. But are you aware of the challenges you face when he or she keeps spending?
Understanding the problems it causes can help you and your wife have meaningful conversations about how much money you have and how you should allocate it.
Like the reasons your wife spends too much money, couples face many different challenges from spending too much money, but here are some of the most common.
1. Increased Debt
The largest challenge when your wife spends too much money is the debt it creates. If you don’t have enough money to pay the credit card bills monthly, the balances could add up quickly, not to mention the interest charges you’ll pay. Debt can cause financial issues and hurt your credit scores.
2. Strained Budget
If your wife spends all the extra money, your budget can become strained. Suddenly, you don’t have as much disposable income and must tighten the reins on other spending categories. Not making ends meet can cause more marital struggles as you try to figure out how to handle your bills.
Related Podcast Episode: Redesign Your Family Finances With These Budgeting Basics
3. Unmet Financial Goals
Whether you and your wife have combined or separate financial goals, it isn’t easy to reach them when one spouse doesn’t follow the budget created.
When you don’t meet your financial goals, like saving an emergency fund or contributing to your retirement savings, it can feel scary because the future doesn’t feel secure.
4. Arguments and Tension
Money is the reason for many arguments in marriage, especially when one spouse has an overspending habit. If you aren’t on the same team regarding budgeting and spending money, it can cause tension within the relationship. Your wife may feel like she has to sneak around when spending cash to avoid arguments.
5. Lack of Savings
Not getting your wife to stop spending can lead to a lack of savings. If every dime you have is spent on making up for what she spends, it can be hard to have money to put away in your bank account for a rainy day.
6. Trust and Communication Issues
When one spouse’s overspending makes it impossible to save money, or you feel betrayed because your wife spends money behind your back, it can strain your relationship. You might feel like you walk on tip-toes around each other and don’t know how to communicate any longer.
7. Difficulty Planning for the Future
Not having a strict budget that both partners follow can make it difficult to budget for the future. Not saving money regularly makes it impossible to set goals for things like buying a house, paying for college for the kids, or saving money for retirement.
8. Unequal Financial Contributions
If you prefer to save money and your wife prefers to spend money, you likely have unequal financial contributions to the bank accounts. Even if you have a joint account, that doesn’t mean both partners contribute equally, causing one partner to resent the other.
9. Financial Stress
Financial stress happens when one partner doesn’t have self-control regarding spending. If both partners don’t follow the budget, the relationship can struggle because of the lack of finances available to make ends meet.
What To Do When Your Wife Keeps Spending Money
Now that you see the challenges married couples face when a wife spends too much money, it’s time to problem-solve. When you work as a team and learn to see one another’s viewpoints, you can figure out how to meet in the middle, making a conscious effort to fix your finances.
Initiate a Calm Conversation
Communication is the start of any healthy relationship, including when there are issues. Rather than pointing fingers and blaming one partner for the financial struggles, consider how to start a calm conversation that allows both partners to say their side.
Pointing blame only makes that person feel heavy and resentful. No one needs to take the blame for all the money problems. Instead, it would be best if you found a way to come together to problem solve.
Understand the Reasons
Try to be open in your conversations and understand why your spouse spends as she does. Knowing the underlying causes can help you figure out a plan together. There may be a need for professional help together or separately to get to the underlying causes.
Set Joint Financial Goals
When you and your wife communicate about money, spending, and how to handle your finances, consider setting joint financial goals. This gives you something to work on together, helping both partners stay grounded and work towards something for your future.
It’s okay, too, if you have separate goals. Couples aren’t expected to have the same goals in marriage. Listening to one another’s ideas and seeing how they align or are separate can make your marriage great. The key is to honor each other’s goals and figure out how to reach them.
Related Article: Top 3 Goal Setting Tips for Couples
Monitor Expenses
In any marriage, even without excessive spending, someone must monitor expenses. It’s how you stick to a budget and reach your financial dreams.
Having a spending budget is okay, allowing each partner to spend a certain amount of money without asking one another. Still, someone must manage the finances to ensure you’re on track to meet your goals.
Encourage Financial Literacy
Financial literacy, or lack thereof, is often the reason for excessive spending. This could fall on one or both partners but can be resolved. Getting help from a financial professional can help you and your spouse understand how to budget, save, and plan for the future.
You can learn different budgets, such as the 50/30/20 or envelope system budget, and savings hacks to put more money in your bank account every month.
And you can learn how to manage money set aside for emergencies so you don’t accidentally spend it.
Get Help From a Certified Financial Therapist
If you and your spouse can’t see eye-to-eye or open the lines of communication because of hurt feelings or worry about how you’ll manage financially, consider working with a financial therapist.
In this type of financial coaching for couples, you’ll discuss both finances and marriage, working on both factors together to strengthen your marriage from the inside out.
If you're interested in seeing what financial counseling is all about, schedule a consultation today!
FAQs
Why Does My Wife Keep Spending Money?
There can be many reasons your wife keeps spending money. It may not have anything to do with you, even though it may feel like it.
Some people grow up with either not enough money or too much and feel they can (or shouldn’t be able to) do what they want. Others use money to make themselves feel better, not realizing that overspending causes more stress and problems.
Is My Wife’s Overspending a Sign of Financial Irresponsibility?
Not every case of an overspending spouse is because of financial irresponsibility. This doesn’t mean there aren’t situations where overspending is strictly because of irresponsible decisions. Never assume, though. Instead, please get to the root of the problem and work with a financial professional to heal it.
Should I Involve a Financial Advisor or Counselor To Address Her Excessive Spending?
Consider talking to your wife about what you see on the bank statements without making it a huge deal. Instead, calmly talk about your concerns and see how she reacts. If she can’t fathom what’s happening or doesn’t want to talk about it, working with a financial therapist can be the best way to resolve the issues.
Is Emotional Spending a Significant Factor in Her Overspending Habits?
Emotional spending can be a factor in your wife’s spending habits. The only way to find out is to talk to her intimately about the struggles you see.
Stress to your wife that you want to get to the root of the problem and fix it. You aren’t pointing blame but want to create a sense of peace and harmony in every aspect of your marriage.
Final Thoughts
It can feel unnerving when your wife spends too much money.
But it usually signifies deeper issues that need addressing. Overspending doesn’t have to be a deal breaker in your marriage, but knowing how to handle the problems and where to get help is the way to a happy and peaceful marriage.
If you and your wife are ready to change how you think about money and finally feel financially abundant, schedule a free consultation today!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
