How to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved and Appreciated: 14 Ways
It's not always easy to know how to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated, but with a few steps, you can make it happen.
Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, and it usually only takes small changes each day. Here are the ways I've found that make an impact in making your partner feel appreciated.
Know Their Love Language
Finding out your spouse's love language is a great way to make your partner feel appreciated and loved. Everyone has different needs and wants, so knowing what makes your partner feel loved may strengthen your relationship.
The five love languages include:
Words of Affirmation - People who love words of affirmation love hearing affectionate and encouraging words and praise. They appreciate small things like loving texts, written love notes, or compliments throughout the day.
Acts of Service - Some people feel the best when others do things for them. For example, when a husband does the dishes or offers to cook breakfast for his wife, it is an act of service. This is a sign of love that many people prefer. They don't necessarily want gifts or even love notes; they want someone who will recognize and appreciate them by helping.
Receiving Gifts - Receiving gifts isn't just about the item but the gesture involved in giving a gift. Some people thrive on knowing their loved ones took the time and effort to pick a gift just for them.
Quality Time - Quality time is a gift in itself. When you give your undivided attention to your loved one, you show them that they are the most important person in your world right now. They feel special knowing that you’ve made the extra effort to spend quality time with them, giving them the love and support they desire.
Physical Touch - Physical touch doesn't just mean sexual touch. It can mean holding hands, gentle touches when you're together, or snuggling on the couch after a long day.
Making Your Spouse Feel Loved and Appreciated
If you're looking for help to make your partner feel loved and appreciated, try my 14 tips:
1. Giving Compliments
Partners love to be complimented. It means the world hearing your loved one say how well you did or how great you look. Of course, compliments should be genuine, but they are a great way to demonstrate love.
2. Offering Affection
Again, this doesn't have to mean sex. Your partner wants to feel loved, and little gestures like rubbing their arm, wrapping your arms around them unexpectedly, or winking at them from across the room are ways to make the butterfly in your spouse's stomach tingle.
3. Recreation of Important and Memorable Moments
Every couple has core memories of the most amazing times they've had together. If you've been together long, consider recreating some of the most memorable moments, such as when you got engaged, where you met, or any other special moments in your life.
4. Encourage and Celebrate Achievements
There's little a spouse wants more than to have their partner to celebrate them. Whether it's a small or large achievement, you are your spouse's biggest cheerleader. Celebrating your spouse will make them feel confident in their efforts and help them continue. Recognize the little details, and show your spouse that you noticed.
Another way to celebrate achievements is to celebrate relationship milestones. Your spouse may light up like a Christmas tree when you remember to celebrate those 1/2-year anniversaries, especially in the first couple of years of your marriage. You can also remember to celebrate dating anniversaries or your first date.
5. Showing Gratitude and Recognition
Husbands and wives work hard. So to make your partner feel appreciated, show gratitude and recognition as much as possible. Even if it's just a 'honey, I know you've been working really hard lately (i.e. at your job, around the house, with the kids, etc.); we appreciate you!'
6. Love THEIR Family Like Your Own
There's nothing more special to your significant other than their family. Even if you don't see eye to eye or have different values, love their family like your own. Put your differences aside and work to find commonalities so you can love them. Embracing your spouse's family will help your partner feel special.
7. Have Good Follow-Through
Always follow through on the things you promise to your spouse. Even if you are struggling with it, if you can follow through, your partner will likely do the same for you. It comes down to the smallest details in life. Whether you promised to rub her back, wash the dishes, or spend time watching TV together, do it. Don't back out on your promises.
8. Take Care of Yourself
It might sound crazy in a list of ways to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated that I'd tell you to take care of yourself and your mental health, but you can't pour from an empty cup.
Take care of yourself, giving yourself what you need, including plenty of rest, water, food, and proper nutrients. Take time to do what you love, and fill your own cup, so you have the energy to fill your spouse's cup too.
9. Prioritize Each other
Life throws us issues when we least expect it and keeps us busy, but that doesn't give you an excuse to let your spouse get lost in the shuffle.
Instead, prioritize one another. Focus on spending time together, even if it's a few stolen moments early in the morning or late at night. Don't let your other obligations get in your way.
10. Be in Service of Each Other's Needs
Get to know your spouse's needs. Even though you're married, you might not truly know what they need, so ask them. Find out what makes them smile, what you can do to help them feel valued, and how you can surprise them and make them feel special.
11. A Day "Off"
Give your spouse the gift of a day off. This means you take responsibility for everything around the house while he or she does what they want to. This could mean taking a spa day, spending time with their friends, or just being alone. This will help your spouse fill his or her cup and play their part in taking care of everyone, including you.
12. Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
Don't just throw empty words at your spouse. Instead, mean what you say and say what you mean. When you say 'I love you,' for example, put feelings (and actions!) behind it. Let your partner feel it in the eye contact and how you move towards them. Don't just throw words out there that you know they want to hear unless you mean them.
13. Your Undivided Attention and Quality Time
Your undivided attention may mean more to your spouse than anything. Life gets busy, and we all get lost in our own 'things.' But when you take time out of your work, hobbies, and other interest to focus solely on your spouse, you'll make them feel like they're on top of the world.
14. Simple Gestures
Sometimes it's not about the grand gestures but the simple things you can do. For example, wear your spouse's favorite outfit, cook a meal they like, hide love notes around the house, or help when they least expect it. These little gestures will go a long way.
How to Make Your Wife Feel Loved and Appreciated
Showing your wife you love and appreciate her is a big job. She likely spends a lot of time in the bathroom mirror asking herself if she is good enough. Here's how you show her that she is good enough:
1. Show Interest in Her Interests
Don't let her hobbies be only her hobbies. Show interest, ask questions, and even get involved if you can. Just giving her that undivided attention will show her that she matters too.
2. Division of Household Responsibilities
Don't expect your wife to do all the household duties. Whether you have kids or not, there is a lot to do, but you both live there. So split the duties, and she'll know that you appreciate her and don't expect her to do everything.
3. Understand Her Wants and Desires
Knowing what your wife wants — inside and outside the bedroom — is important. Then, she'll see that she isn't just a means to an end but that you truly care about her and want to make her feel special when you spend time together.
4. Keep Your “I Do” Promises
Don't break your vows. Your wife took them seriously, and you should, too. But whether she's not looking or feeling her best, or life throws you some unexpected circumstances, stay true to your vows, and help your spouse through anything.
5. Gifts and Surprises She Didn't Ask For
You don't have to spend much money to surprise your wife, but small gifts and surprises can go a long way. Take note of the things she mentions that she loves and when the time is right, surprise her with them. Not only will she love the gift, but she'll feel like she has a partner that understands and listens to her.
6. Provide Security
Your wife looks to you to support and take care of your family, just as much as you look to her to do the same, so hold up your end of the bargain. Don’t stand in the way of her independence, but also let her know that she has you to lean on no matter what she needs or when she needs it.
7. Communication
Communication is the key to any relationship. Don't use harsh words, but always communicate no matter how good or bad things may feel. The more open you are with one another, the easier it is to get through even the worst times.
If your spouse worries about something that doesn't normally bother you, let it bother you, as in understanding where she’s coming from. Show her that you understand and are empathetic. Don't diminish her worries — this one is huge! Don’t make your partner feel bad about her worries, either. If you show each other that your concerns matter (whether or not they directly involve each other), then there will be a much-greater sense of trust and safety within your relationship.
Also make both big and little decisions together. This helps you stay on the same page and avoid the finger-pointing blame game.
How to Make Your Husband Feel Loved and Appreciated
Guess what? Husbands want to feel appreciated, too. Here are some simple ways you can make your husband feel loved:
1. Understand His Wants and Desires
Men have wants and needs both inside and outside the bedroom, too! Get to know what they are, and do what you can to make them happen. If you aren't sure, just ask. Most men are happy to say what they need, especially if they know you care and want to help them have those things.
2. Express Appreciation
Show your husband how proud you are of him, and appreciate his hard work in different spheres. If he helps you with your stuff, let him know how much it means to you. This will make you both feel better.
3. Support His Goals
Husbands sometimes have big goals. Be his biggest cheerleader and help him achieve them. When he's feeling down or like he can't do it, help him feel supported to reach his goals.
4. Support His Interests
You might not be interested in Monday Night Football or late-night basketball games, but get to know your husband's interests, and enjoy them, too. For most men, there's nothing sexier than a woman who can find pleasure in what they love.
5. Man Cave
Give your man his space, AKA a “man cave.” It doesn’t have to be an entire physical room, but rather giving him “room” to be himself. If he can also have a spot to decorate how he wants, all the better — but I can’t blame you if a room with Fatheads on the wall “accidentally” gets left out when giving guests a tour of the house! The bottom line is to support him in having a space where he can be himself and feel great.
FAQs
What Should I Do if My Partner Feels Unappreciated?
If your partner feels unappreciated, it might be time for some help. A relationship expert can help you understand why you're not on the same page and find simple ways to make each other feel better.
What Should I Do if I Do Not Feel Appreciated in My Marriage?
Always speak up if you don't feel appreciated. Your spouse can't read minds, so they may not realize you aren't happy. The sooner you talk about your unhappiness, the easier it is to get to a better place in your relationship.
How Important Is Appreciation in a Marriage?
Appreciation is just as important as communication in a relationship. Anyone that doesn't feel appreciated should work with a family therapist or other professional to figure out why.
How Can I Identify My Own Love Language or My Spouse's?
Think about how you like to feel loved or how your partner likes it. See when they perk up the most or when you feel your best. Then notice what made you (or them) feel that way to help you determine your (or their) love language(s)!
When and How Should I Seek Help for My Marriage?
If you worry about your marriage, or one partner doesn't feel appreciated, seek help sooner rather than later. A relationship expert can help you get to the bottom of the issues and figure out how to resolve them so that you can have a happy marriage.
The Bottom Line
Finding happiness in your marriage may feel like finding a needle in a haystack sometimes, but knowing how to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated is the best way to achieve a happy marriage. If you can't find that happiness in your marriage, reach out — let's discuss what could be better in your relationship and how to get it. If you're interested in seeing what financial counseling is all about, take advantage of my complimentary consultation!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
