Is Your Spouse Hiding Money From You?
A spouse hiding money is never a pleasant topic, but it's not one that automatically leads to divorce. Instead, getting the right support for the issue can help you and your spouse work things out in your marriage and finances.
Why Do Spouses Hide Money?
Every relationship is different, but here are the most common reasons I see that clients hide money from their spouses:
Provides them with a feeling of superiority or power
Provides a sense of revenge in complicated relationships
Drinking or gambling addiction
Fear of not having enough money to pay the bills
Jealousy of a spouse that doesn't work
The feeling that a spouse who makes less money isn't deserving of more money
Signs That Your Spouse Is Hiding Money From You
It can be hard to catch a spouse hiding money, but here are some common signs I see when helping clients with financial infidelity:
Taking Control of the Finances
If your spouse suddenly takes complete control of the finances and doesn't let you see the financial accounts or monthly bills, it could be a sign that they have hidden assets. Your spouse may be overspending or hiding cash for habits they don't want you to discover, so they take over the active role of handling the finances.
Your Partner Gets Defensive When You Bring up Money
If you and your spouse used to have reasonably decent money conversations, but suddenly your spouse gets defensive, they may be hiding money. It's like when you catch a child in a lie; they suddenly become defensive or angry without any obvious cause.
If you notice your spouse doesn't want to talk about money suddenly or gets angry when you talk about it, consider it one of the warning signs that your spouse is hiding money.
Purchasing Expensive Items or Gifts
A spouse hiding money might suddenly show up with expensive items or gifts you weren't expecting. If you have a strict budget and know what goes in and out of the bank accounts, you might wonder where your spouse got the money.
Opening New Accounts
Spouses that hide assets often open new accounts. They try to hide it but sometimes forget that statements or other communication may come in the mail. If you notice documents coming in from banks or ATM receipts in their pockets from a bank you don't know about, it could be a sign that a family member is hiding money.
Making Big Withdrawals
If you have joint accounts and agreed on a specific threshold for withdrawals without consulting one another, but find much larger withdrawals on your bank account statements, it could be another sign that your spouse is hiding assets.
Uses Cash
If you and your spouse typically use debit or credit cards for purchases, but you discover fewer transactions in your joint account lately, your spouse could be hiding where they spend money by making cash payments so that there aren't any financial records of the transactions.
Common Ways People Hide Assets From Their Spouse
Spouses can hide assets in many ways, but here are the most common ways spouses hide assets.
Undervaluing Assets
Spouses hiding assets may undervalue their assets, even if their spouse knows about those assets. For example, one spouse may handle the stock investments and not inform the other spouse of the stock's performance. The unsuspecting spouse will only know about the higher value if they cash out the investments. Once they cash out the investments, there will likely be tax liabilities that may clue in an unsuspecting spouse. They can also undervalue physical assets, such as cars or other assets.
Hiding Assets in the Business
Spouses who own a business can easily hide assets from their spouses. For example, they may create fake bills or hire fake employees. They may also pay their current employees more than necessary or make large and unnecessary purchases to hide cash.
Movable Assets
Moveable assets are liquid assets a spouse can move quickly, such as money in savings or other joint accounts. A spouse hiding money might transfer the assets to a separate account or 'gift' them to a friend to hide assets.
Real Estate
Spouses can hide money in real estate by investing money in renovations or buying properties. This money isn't liquid, so spouses won't know how much is invested in them. If it came down to divorce, the spouse hiding assets could undervalue the house (or at least try to) to hide money.
Equity
Spouses with complete control over the finances, including real estate properties, can hide money in a home's equity. If they aren't 100% honest with you about the home's value, you won't know how much equity is in the house, and you might think that you have less money than you actually do.
Trust and Gifts to Friends
Spouses hiding money may trust money to family members or friends or act like they are 'gifting' the funds. In reality, they will receive the funds back at some point, but in doing so they hide the cash from you.
Cryptocurrency Wallets
Spouses trying to hide assets but who have a suspicious spouse may buy items in cryptocurrency. This way, they don't buy crypto to store in their wallet directly, and there's no proof of the transaction except in the virtual world.
Penalty for Spouse Hiding Money in a Divorce
Hiding money in a divorce is serious business. No divorce lawyer should allow such behavior, but if a spouse does it and it is discovered, there are several possible penalties, including:
Court fines
Responsibility for paying the opposing spouse's court and lawyer fees
Dismissal of all claims by the lying spouse
Potential jail time depending on the severity of the lies
How to Find Money Your Spouse Has Hidden
If you think your spouse may be hiding assets, strongly consider working with a financial coach. You can discover why a spouse hides money and work through the issues to create peace and harmony.
In the meantime, here are simple ways to locate hidden assets:
Check Bank Statements
Gather the most recent statements if you don't regularly check your bank accounts. Look them over and highlight any transactions you aren't aware of or that seem suspicious. If you notice money you didn't know you had or large withdrawals you weren't aware of, keep a copy of the statement when you discuss your situation.
Look Through Credit Card Statements
Credit card statements can tell you a lot about a spouse's habits. If you don't usually check the statements, get access to the online account and check the balances and transactions. If you see any charges that seem out of the ordinary, find a way to discuss them with your spouse calmly.
Loan Applications
If you have access to your spouse's email account or notice letters from unknown banks in the mail, it could be a sign of loan applications your spouse completed without your knowledge. If you find proof of loans your spouse applied for, find a time to calmly ask about them without sounding confrontational.
Business Records
Review the most recent business records if you're familiar with your spouse's business. Look for uncommon purchases, excessive salaries, or an onslaught of new employees that aren't typical for your spouse's business.
Income Tax Returns
If your spouse handles the income taxes, review the forms. Look specifically at the amount of income to determine if your spouse has any part of their income deposited in a separate account. Also, look for investments they sold that you didn't know existed.
Protect Yourself When a Spouse Is Hiding Money
If you discover a spouse hiding money, don't freak out. The more calmly you handle the situation, the easier it is to resolve. Not every financial infidelity situation means that you’re headed for divorce; sometimes, it's not even intentional.
But it's always a good idea to protect yourself. Here's how:
Monitor and Take Note of What Your Spouse Is Spending Money
Have as much proof as possible about your marital assets and how your spouse uses them. For example, if the spending is out of control, or there are assets you didn't know existed, you'll need proof when you talk to your spouse.
Save Any Documents and Make Copies
Gather copies of as many documents as possible without bringing attention to yourself. Either take screenshots on your phone, save statements from online banking accounts on your computer, or make copies and keep them safe.
Identify Which Assets Are Yours & Which Are Assets Are Joint
As you sort through the documents, determine which assets are part of the family finances and which belong only to your spouse. For example, if your spouse had a sole bank account when you married and never made it part of a joint account, those funds may not play a role. However, any money that is a part of your marital assets should be noted.
Seek Help From a Financial Coach
Talking to your spouse about stashing cash or hiding assets can be overwhelming. If you want a peaceful talk that gets to the bottom of the issues while helping save your marriage, consider talking to a financial coach.
FAQs
Can You Legally Hide Money From Your Spouse?
The law typically doesn't require spouses to disclose all their assets or money (except in the case of a divorce), so from a legal standpoint, you can hide money from your spouse. However, from a relationship standpoint, it's not the best idea.
Is My Wife Entitled to Half My Savings?
In most states, a wife is entitled to half of a spouse's savings during divorce proceedings. There are exceptions, though, especially if there's adequate proof that an account a spouse had before marriage was not commingled with any marital assets.
What to Do When Your Husband Hides Money From You?
Keep cool if you think your husband is hiding cash or other assets. Don't immediately go after him accusing him of wrongdoing. Instead, gather your evidence and plan your strategy and approach. Consider using a financial coach as a neutral third party who can help you two work through the issues financially and in your relationship.
When Is It a Good Idea to Hide Money From Your Spouse?
It's never a good idea to hide money from your spouse (as long as you’re not dealing with an abusive situation). However, if you feel tempted to do so, there could be relationship issues or issues you have yourself surrounding money. In such a case, a counselor could help bring peace and harmony back into your marriage and finances.
How to Find Out if Someone Has a Secret Bank Account?
It's not easy to find a secret bank account, but some common ways include:
Check their browsing history for links to banks you don't recognize
Watch the mail for statements and letters from banks you don't use
Check your tax records, as if a (hidden) account is an interest-bearing accounts (i.e. it pays interest), then your spouse must claim the interest as income.
The Bottom Line
A spouse hiding money is never a good thing, but there are ways to work around it. I understand it's not a good feeling to discover financial infidelity, but knowing there are ways to work through the situation and get on the same page can help alleviate some of the stress in your marriage. If you're interested in seeing what financial counseling is all about, take advantage of my complimentary consultation!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
