I Wish My Husband* Made More Money: How To Encourage Him
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
Do you ever say, 'I wish my husband made more money?'
It's a common feeling that, if dealt with properly, can potentially motivate your husband to make more money or at least have productive financial conversations. If handled incorrectly, though, it can cause preventable stress in your marriage.
Here's how to encourage your husband to get a handle on your finances and help improve your relationship.
Why Do I Wish My Husband Made More Money?
There isn't a one-size-fits-all reason you might wish your husband made more money. Everyone has different feelings and desires in their marriage.
For example, your desire might come from long-lost dreams of what you thought marriage would look like. For others, it might be the financial stress that occurs in the family that causes the feelings.
The key is to do some soul-searching and determine why you wish your husband made more money.
Consider Where Your Feelings Stem From
Sit with your feelings and determine where they come from and why you feel like you do. This will be personal to you and may not look like the same reasons anyone else has. Here are some common thoughts:
You wish you could stay home and raise the kids.
You don't feel like your partner works up to his full potential, which causes financial stress.
You are jealous that your husband's job isn't as stressful as yours.
Understand Your Husband's Current Perspective and Motivations
Remember that a marriage is made up of two people. You are entitled to your feelings, as is your husband. Have open communication about your family finances and your feelings.
Get to know your husband's reasons for staying at his current job rather than worrying about making more money.
Here are some important things to explore and discuss:
Your husband's mindset: He may think he can't get a new job or that there isn't a better job than he already has.
Financial goals: It's important to discuss individual and shared money goals and to create a plan to reach them. Your husband may not realize the goals you have or feel like you've already met them.
Personal aspirations: Your husband may have hit the plateau of what he thought he could accomplish in life and doesn't have goals for a better job.
Financial control: If you handle the finances, your husband may not realize that a higher salary would make it easier to have a more robust financial plan to reach your goals.
How Can I Encourage and Motivate My Husband To Make More Money?
If you and your husband are not on the same page about your finances and his job, consider these steps to begin the conversation.
Initiate a Calm and Empathetic Conversation
The key to encouraging your husband to get a better-paying job is to have an open and honest conversation. Tell him your feelings and let him do the same. Talking is the key to understanding where each partner comes from and what you want to achieve in your marriage.
Focus on listening and sharing without blame. Instead, discuss how to make it fair so each partner can contribute financially without feeling less than or pressured by the other.
When you talk about money, it’s important to approach it with an open mind and willingness to listen to one another about the financial situation and what each partner thinks should happen.
If you need help with this, consider talking to a financial therapist.
Understand His Motivation
Your husband likely has reasons for not instantly looking for a higher-paying job. Even if he knows your feelings, it might not make him change his attitude about his job. Get to know his motivation. Maybe he's comfortable at his job or doesn't feel qualified for anything better.
He may also have a larger plan in mind that he hasn't shared, such as taking over his boss's position when his boss retires or leaves. Get to know the nitty-gritty details of his thoughts to determine where he stands.
Without talking about it, you might make assumptions about your husband that aren't true when it comes to his job and not making enough money, at least in your eyes.
When you take the time to talk and understand his thoughts, it can make it easier for both of you as you figure out how to move forward on your financial journey.
Set Shared Financial Goals
Whether or not your husband changes jobs, it's important to have goals you share. Create a list of your goals and prioritize them. Next, determine how long it would take to reach each goal.
This may help your husband see that, as a household, you need to bring in more money. When he realizes this, it can start other conversations that help motivate him to spend time looking for a higher-paying job or other ways to increase the household income.
After you set money goals, make sure you revisit them to see your progress. Setting goals is one thing, but then you must figure out what adjustments and reevaluations are necessary to help you reach them.
You may find that your original plans don't work out, and that's okay. Revisiting the plan and deciding what to change can help you work as a team.
Support Career Development
Supporting your husband's desire to find a higher-paying job may require some sacrifice.
For example, he may need to return to school or undergo a specific type of training. Ask your husband how you can help him in his endeavors, whether by taking care of the kids so he can focus on his studies or helping him explore his options to improve his job prospects.
His quest to improve his career chances may not be the most comfortable for your family, so be sure to talk about them together. Decide how you can make the transition as easy as possible for everyone while keeping in mind the better future it may create.
Let Him Explore Income Opportunities
As tempting as it is to tell your husband what he should do to put more money in your joint bank account, let him do it himself. He may find opportunities that spark his interest and help the family build a brighter future.
Telling him what to do or how much he should get paid could have the opposite result. Strive for a peaceful and harmonious marriage, not one where one partner dictates to the other.
For example, if your husband decides he'd rather start a side hustle to increase his income rather than find a higher-paying job, try to support him. Let him see what opportunities are out there and how they can benefit the family.
Create a Joint Budget Together
Creating a budget can be a great way to get your partner on the same page. If both partners have a say in the budget and see the progress (or problems), it may motivate more changes.
Your husband may look at the budget and realize he needs to make more money if you want to make ends meet, have some fun, and reach your goals.
With two sets of eyes on the budget, it's a lot easier to determine what should happen next. Two decision-makers are better than one, eliminating the risk of finger-pointing or blame, which is so easy to do when one person is in charge.
Celebrate Financial Milestones and Small Wins
Money is stressful, and constantly saying, 'I wish my husband made more money,' can drag your marriage down an unpleasant path. Instead, focus on the good. Celebrate small wins, whether reaching a small goal, receiving a small raise, or taking the first step to build a brighter future.
You don't have to spend money to celebrate the small wins. Simply find ways to find the joy in them and realize that anything is possible, even when married life feels harder than you imagined.
Balance Work and Family Life
Life isn't all about work. There should be time for family and fun, too. When you start talking about finances, building an emergency fund, or the financial issues your family faces, it shouldn't create a feeling that life should only be about money.
Having a strong balance between work and family is important to have a joyful marriage.
Is It Okay To Have Financial Expectations in a Marriage?
Having financial expectations in a marriage is acceptable and almost necessary.
Without a financial plan, you might never strive for financial freedom, have goals, or ensure your family's needs are covered. The key is how you handle those expectations and whether you work as a team or not.
If you're ready to explore your feelings and work with your husband as a team, schedule a consultation today!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
