My Husband* Spends Too Much Money on Hobbies: Helpful Tips
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
Everyone needs hobbies; they keep us sane and make us who we are. But some hobbies can cost too much.
If you think, 'My husband spends too much money on hobbies,' you aren't alone. However, it's important not to make him feel bad about his hobbies and spending.
Instead, you should find a compromise that works for both of you, ensuring your finances are in good shape and your spouse can enjoy life the way he desires.
My Husband Spends Too Much Money on Hobbies
Spending money is an often fought-about topic in relationships, especially when it's on something you might consider 'selfish.'
If your husband has hobbies that he spends money on, it might cause you stress or make you frustrated that he isn't spending money on things that benefit both of you. But if it's within reason, it might be good for your relationship.
It's important for nearly everyone to have free time and to feel like they have some independence, even in a marriage.
You got together because you love one another, but what makes up each person is their personality and what they love to do. Supporting your husband’s hobbies, whatever lights him up, is part of loving him, too.
What Is a Reasonable Amount To Expect My Husband To Spend on Hobbies?
You might be wondering how much is acceptable to spend on a hobby.
How much your husband can spend on his hobbies depends on your financial situation. The key is to be on the same page regarding how much of your hard-earned money you can each spend so neither partner has hard feelings.
Creating a budget and deciding how much spending is acceptable for both partners may allow some freedom in your marriage.
Your husband will feel like he can participate in his own hobby without feeling criticized, and you will feel assured that he isn't spending more money than he should.
What To Do When My Husband Spends Too Much Money on Hobbies
If you feel like your husband spends too much money on hobbies, there are some simple ways you can address the issue. It doesn't have to become a full-blown argument.
Instead, if you approach the situation peacefully and by putting your husband's feelings first, you may be able to come to an agreement that benefits both of you.
Approach Your Husband Lovingly
The key to approaching any argument in married life is to avoid blame. Don't come with fingers pointed, blaming your husband for wasting money on expensive hobbies. Remember, this is something he loves and is part of what makes him who he is today.
Instead of pointing fingers, start the conversation by discussing your concerns and asking if you can discuss a plan that sounds good to both partners. This allows each person to feel relaxed about the finances while feeling honored in the relationship.
Explain to your spouse that you respect his feelings and want him to do what he loves, but it costs more than you expected, and it's causing financial issues.
This doesn't point the finger at your husband. Instead, it shows him that you care and want to find ways to make it work, but some changes may need to occur.
Understand His Perspective
Remember, you might not understand your husband's hobby or why he loves spending time doing it, but that's not the issue.
This pastime makes your husband happy, so understanding his perspective and discussing ways you could change things so both partners feel respected is key.
Ask your husband questions about his hobby, why he loves it so much, and how he thinks he could change things so that you both feel like you can afford it without causing financial issues.
The more curious you get about this one thing he loves, the easier it will be to get him on the same page with you.
Balance Financial Goals
Discussing financial goals throughout your marriage is important, especially as things change. When creating your budget, include room for both partner's hobbies.
While they may not feel like financial goals to you, if they are important to your spouse, they should be important to you. Avoid making your husband feel wrong for having these passions; instead, encourage him to help determine how to use your household income best to afford it.
When you discuss your financial goals, you should include individual and shared goals, prioritizing them as needed to keep peace and harmony in the marriage.
Assess Impact on Financial Stability
Having something to do in your spare time is important, but ensuring the habits don't interfere with your household's financial stability is also important.
If you discover your husband's passions interfere with being able to pay the bills or save for short and long-term goals, consider revisiting your budget to determine if there are areas you can cut back so your husband has more money available for his passions.
Decide on How to Budget for Hobbies
Deciding how to budget for hobbies is essential. You could create a separate line item to cover the cost of the hobbies or include it in the 'fun money' you budget, giving both partners room to spend how they want.
For example, if you use the 50/30/20 budget, 30% of your income covers 'wants,' which you could lump hobbies into to keep it affordable. You could also set a budget or allowance for each partner to receive on payday.
This allows your husband to decide how to spend his money without causing financial stress.
Encourage Accountability
As much as having fun things to do is important, financial accountability is just as important.
You can encourage accountability by having regular 'budget dates.' This is where you talk about your budget, savings, and money goals to ensure you're spending money as you both agreed.
This ensures you are both on the same page regarding your finances and can have limits you set together for money spent on hobbies.
Consider Joint Financial Management
If only one spouse handles the finances, consider having both hands on deck with financial management. Give each partner a job, or share the responsibilities equally.
When both partners have access to the finances, it's easier to see where you stand, and your husband may think twice before overspending when he sees the funds necessary to cover bills for the house, food, transportation, medical, and everyday living.
Explore Cost-Effective Alternatives
Taking a hobby away that your husband spends all his time doing may free up some money, but it probably won't help with his overall mental health or your relationship.
Instead of forbidding his pastime, consider finding alternatives that don't cost as much money but still allow him to enjoy himself outside of your marriage.
Encourage Hobby Diversification
If it sounds like your spouse doesn't want to give up his hobby (which he shouldn't), consider encouraging him to try other things too. He may find that he likes other pastimes and can spend less money on the current one that costs too much for your current financial situation.
Again, don't pressure your spouse to make changes. This should be a decision you make together, but one that your spouse leads because he understands, after talking to you, the stress his hobby puts on the finances.
Provide Support and Encouragement
If there's one thing about being married, it's that you must support one another, no matter what. Even if you don't agree with your spouse's hobby, if it makes him happy, it's what makes him a good man for you to spend your life with because he may feel lost without it.
Seek Professional Advice if Needed
If you worry that discussing your spouse's hobby with him will make him angry or you don't know how to broach the subject, consider talking to a professional financial coach.
Having someone work as a mediator between you can help you see both sides while ensuring both partners understand the financial aspect of the situation.
Reaching Financial Harmony Around Hobby Spending
Reaching financial harmony and enjoying your hobbies is possible! The key is to work together as a married couple on your budget, prioritizing your goals and supporting one another in what's most important.
There is more to life than working a job or caring for the house. Some people need other hobbies to stay stress-free and enjoy life. If your husband enjoys this, it's important to support him in his endeavors while ensuring your financial situation remains stable.
If you and your spouse aren't sure what to do about your finances or how to manage a partner's hobby, reach out for a free consultation to see how a professional financial coach can help.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
