I Need Advice: Money Stress Is Killing Me
Money stress is one of the top issues in a marriage. It doesn't have to be just arguments between you and your spouse about money.
Financial stress can occur when you don't have enough money, one or both partners overspend, or one of you experiences a traumatic event, such as job loss.
"Money Stress Is Killing Me": What Causes Financial Stress?
According to the Stress in America study by the American Psychological Association, money and the state of the economy are common stressors for people of all ages.
Eighty-two percent of people ages 18 to 34 rate money as a major stressor, and 72% worry about the economy. The numbers are similar for people ages 35 to 44, with 77% stating money stress is a top issue and 74% worry about the economy.
What in particular causes financial stress? Every person and couple is different, but here are some common factors:
Lack of a stable job or income
Lack of money to handle an emergency
Excessive amounts of credit card debt
Poor financial choices
Low financial literacy
Addictive habits, such as drinking or gambling
It could also result from disagreements between partners about how to handle money, one partner's inability or desire to save money, or major financial mistakes that cause financial distress in the household.
Financial Stress and Your Health
High-stress levels for any reason can manifest as health issues. They could begin as common ailments, such as headaches, digestive issues, or trouble sleeping, but can quickly turn into more serious issues, such as:
Heart disease
Weakened immune system
High blood pressure
Muscle tension
Insomnia
According to experts, you are twice as likely to struggle with your physical health if you have money troubles and let the financial stress affect you. This can lead to a never-ending cycle as your bills will increase to cover your medical needs, increasing your financial problems.
What Is Financial Depression?
Everyone deals with financial stress differently. Some people can handle their financial situation well, even if it has hills and valleys, and figure out a solution. Others let it affect their mental health, causing illnesses such as depression.
Not every case of financial stress causes mental health issues, such as depression, but it is a concern for many. Financial worries aren't always the only reason a person suffers from depression, but they can worsen the symptoms.
Studies completed by the University of Nottingham in England show that the more debt a person is in, the higher their likelihood of suffering from depression.
Financial Depression Symptoms
It's important to recognize the signs of financial depression, which can mimic the signs of overall depression that require professional help:
Feelings of hopelessness
Loss of interest in your favorite hobbies
Difficulty making decisions or paying attention
Trouble sleeping or eating
Mood swings
A constant feeling of sadness
Decreased energy or no desire to do normal activities
What Is Financial Anxiety?
Financial anxiety can cause you to feel powerless or overwhelmed when dealing with money. It often stems from a lack of money, such as being unable to cover your bills, but can also be caused by:
Low income
Unsteady jobs or income
Living paycheck to paycheck
Inflation/rising expenses
Economic instability
Excessive debt
Peer pressure
Financial illiteracy
Financial Anxiety Symptoms
Financial stress turned into anxiety can cause problems with your physical health, including:
Insomnia
Headaches
Stomachaches
Fatigue
These symptoms can quickly turn into more serious health concerns, including heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure.
Other signs of money anxiety include:
Feelings of irritability that lead to arguments
The start of unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as gambling, drinking, or doing drugs
Decreased social life
Lack of appetite
Inability to make decisions
Financial anxiety can cause you to avoid dealing with bills or looking at your bank balance, constantly worry about your expenses, go the opposite direction and overspend, feel out of control, or feel hopeless about your situation, which can also lead to financial depression.
How To Deal with Financial Stress?
Now that it's obvious that financial stress is unhealthy for your mind, body, and relationships, how do you deal with it?
Here are some common techniques:
Learn to budget: Budgeting is the key factor in avoiding financial stress. When you set a budget (and stick to it), you know what you can and cannot spend or where you need to cut back. It also helps you understand when to contact your creditors for financial assistance to get back on track.
Communicate: Talking to your spouse about your financial stress (or there's) is imperative. It may feel easier to avoid the conversation, but that doesn't make the money worries disappear. Talking to your spouse about the bills, making ends meet, and discussing how to save money puts you on the same page and helps you reach goals together.
Save an emergency fund: Life happens when we least expect it, and not having money to handle it can worsen your money problems. An emergency fund ensures you have funds to cover unexpected car repairs, medical emergencies, or house repairs. It can also help your financial situation for a few months if you or your spouse lose their jobs.
Get professional support: If you and your spouse can't get on the same page about handling money and the financial stress continues, consider professional support. Discussing your situation with a financial coach can help you get to the root of the financial issues between you and your spouse. A professional coach can teach you how to heal your mental health, create peace in your relationship, and manage money.
How to Not Stress About Money in the Future?
In a perfect world, you would not stress about money in the future, but that feels challenging in such an uncertain economy. Here are some ways to avoid future money stress:
Identify your stressors: Determine what's worrying you about money and what causes the most financial stress. When you know what triggers your emotions, you can take proper steps to fix them, such as creating a debt payoff plan, setting a budget, or getting professional support.
Use a budgeting tool: You can't get control of your finances if you don't know where your money goes. To stop overspending and struggling financially, you must track every dollar you earn and spend. Use budgeting tools or a simple spreadsheet to eliminate bad money habits.
Create a plan: You and your spouse must be financially on the same page to reach your goals. Together, create a plan for spending, saving, and paying off debt. Make short and long-term goals and put the steps in place to make them happen.
Have accountability: Join a support group, work with a professional, or get the help of a friend or family member on the same page regarding spending money and eliminating financial stress. When you have someone to answer to, you might think twice before spending or worsening your financial situation.
FAQs
Why Does Spending Money Give Me Anxiety?
Everyone has different reasons why spending money creates anxiety, but some common reasons include a fear of not having enough money, past financial struggles, a fear of debt, or worrying that your spouse won't approve of the purchase.
Before spending money, ensure it's a purchase that won't cause financial problems or trigger your anxiety. See that it fits within your budget, that your partner is on board with the purchase, and that it won't negatively affect your finances.
Is Spending Money an Addiction?
Some people get a rush when spending money. The release of endorphins and dopamine in the brain makes it feel great, which leads to more shopping and spending. When not controlled, it can quickly turn into someone becoming addicted to spending money.
Why Are People So Bad With Money?
There isn't one distinct reason someone is 'bad with money.' For some, it's because they grew up with money, exposed to parents who didn't manage it well. Other people never learned financial literacy or have an addictive personality when it comes to spending money.
Why Do I Feel Broke When I Have Money?
A common reason people always feel broke is allowing lifestyle creep to happen. If you increase your lifestyle and expenses when you make more money, you increase your liabilities, which can quickly make you feel strapped for cash.
Some people even feel broke when they have adequate money in their accounts to cover the bills and need help shifting their mindset so they don't feel so anxious or empty.
How Do I Get Myself Out of Financial Trouble?
Getting out of financial trouble takes time. It won't happen overnight, requiring baby steps to manage the issues. Working with a professional can help you determine where to start, whether paying off debts, creating a budget, learning to save, or setting other financial goals.
Your Finances Don't Have to be Stressful
Financial stress isn't just a 'part of life,' as most people assume. There are many ways to manage your money stress and eliminate it. The key is to get to the root of the problem to determine why you are struggling. When you know the root cause, you can take the steps to fix it.
If you need help figuring out why you're struggling or why money stress is killing you, consider a free consultation with a financial coach who can help you and your partner manage your money stress, improve your mental health, and achieve financial peace in your life.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
