My Husband* Wants Me to Pay Half of Everything
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
When it comes to finances, couples have various ways of tackling things. For example, some women might say, "my boyfriend earns more than me but wants me to pay half," or "my husband wants me to pay half of everything."
There's no right or wrong way to do things, but what is essential is that you and your partner are on the same page about your finances.
Relationships Are 50/50…or Aren't They?
Many people believe that relationships should be 50/50, including with each person contributing an equal amount to things like bills, groceries, and other shared monthly expenses. However, this isn't always the case when it comes to finances.
Some couples choose to have one person handle all the shared finances, while others prefer to split everything. While not everyone believes that a relationship should be 50/50, paying half of a couple's expenses is a good start.
Of course, there's no right or wrong way to do things, but what's most important is that you and your partner are on the same page about your finances. If not, you may be setting yourself up for financial issues down the line.
When Paying Half of Everything in a Marriage Works
Some couples find that paying half of everything in a marriage works well - that's part of their financial plan. This can work if both partners are good with money, earn about the same salary, have similar debt levels, and can stick to a budget.
How Paying Half of Everything Can Be Tricky
However, there are some potential downsides to this arrangement, which can cause problems down the road.
Income Disparity Between Spouses
One potential downside to consider is an income disparity between spouses. If one partner makes a lot more money than the other, paying half of everything can strain the lower-earning spouse. For example, it would be tough for a stay-at-home mom to pay the same amount for all the bills as the working spouse. This can cause resentment over time, which can be damaging to the relationship.
Prior Debt
Another potential downside is if one partner has more debt than the other. For example, this can happen if one partner has student loans, credit card debt, or other types of debt. If this is the case, paying half of everything can be difficult for the partner with more debt.
Different Money Mindsets
Finally, another potential downside is if you and your partner have different money mindsets. This can be a problem because it can cause conflict over how to handle money.
For example, let's say that one partner is a saver, and the other partner is a spender. The saver might want to put money back for a rainy day, while the spender might want to spend money on items or experiences they want now.
In this case, the partner doing all of the saving may feel resentful from doing all the heavy lifting, and each person may feel restricted. The spender might think the saver is trying to stop them from enjoying life, while the saver feels like they have to save, save, save to make up for the spender’s decisions. This can cause conflict and make it difficult to agree on financial decisions, especially when those decisions involve significant amounts of money.
Alternatives to Paying Half of Everything
Splitting everything down the middle might not be the right solution for every couple. However, if you're having trouble making ends meet or are not happy with your current financial arrangement, there are alternatives you can consider to still achieve financial independence.
So, how can couples split finances?
Income Percentages
One alternative is to split everything based on income percentages. This can be a good solution if one partner makes more money than the other. This solution works because you would each pay a portion of your income towards the total expenses.
Paying based on income percentages can be a good solution because it helps to keep things fair between the two of you. In addition, it can help to ease the financial burden on the lower-earning spouse and make both partners feel like they're contributing equally, based on their ability, to the household.
However, it can be logistically complicated, with each person having to track any joint expenses they cover so that they can compare their overall spending and make sure it matches their relative income percentages.
Joint Bank Account
Another alternative is to set up a joint bank account, which can be a good solution if you want to have more visibility over your finances and if you want to make sure that both partners are contributing equally.
With a joint bank account, you would each deposit a set amount of money into the account every month. This money would then be used to pay for the household expenses. Doing so can help keep things fair and make it easier to track how much money you are collectively spending.
Having a joint bank account also allows both partners to see what's being spent and can help to prevent one partner from overspending. This method works best when both individuals have similar money mindsets or otherwise can effectively communicate their financial interests and values.
By the way, this approach doesn't mean you can't have separate accounts as well, but joint accounts are great for making sure that each person is contributing so that you have enough money to pay for shared expenses.
Hybrid
Finally, you can also consider a hybrid approach. This approach combines aspects of both the income percentages method and the joint bank account method.
With a hybrid approach, each partner would contribute a set percentage of their income directly to the joint account, which is then used to pay bills, the rent or mortgage, and other joint expenses. The rest of each person's money then belongs to them to do with as they please.
Splitting Finances 50-50 Pros
Paying half of everything can be a good solution for some couples. Some of the positives of managing finances this way include:
Equal Contributions
One of the most significant advantages of paying half of everything is that it can help to keep things fair between the two partners, at least regarding the numbers (i.e. of dollars), which is ostensibly an objective measure.
There is a lot to say about paying your own way, especially in today's society, with complexity and nuance around the ideas of gender equity, gender equality, and how this shows up in romantic partnerships. I’ll leave most of that for another day.
The key here is that each person puts an equal amount of money towards the household, which can help to prevent any one person from feeling like they're carrying the bulk of the financial burden.
Autonomy
Another advantage of this method is that it can give each partner some autonomy regarding their finances. After their household contribution, each person has their own money left over to spend as they see fit, which can help prevent arguments that might have occurred if such purchases had come from joint funds.
Joint Responsibility
Finally, this method can help to promote joint responsibility for the household finances. Both partners are responsible for paying the bills and managing the money, so they also both have an incentive to spend and save wisely. This may even encourage a less-financially-inclined partner to participate more, which keeps both partner from either the pressure of feeling like they’re in charge of everything or, conversely, the discomfort or resentment that often comes from feeling left out of everything.
Splitting Finances 50-50 Cons
While there are some advantages to splitting everything 50-50, this method has some drawbacks. Some of the negatives of this approach include:
Different Incomes
One of the most significant disadvantages of this method is that it can be challenging to manage if one partner makes more money than the other. In addition, this difference can cause tension and arguments if the lower-earning spouse feels like they're always paying more than their fair share.
Different Spending Habits
Another downside to this method is that it can be challenging to manage if the two partners have different spending habits. For example, if one partner is financially conservative and the other likes lavish gifts, this can lead to arguments about spending money, as the spending comes from the pot to which both partners contribute.
Joint Responsibility
Finally, some people may not like having joint responsibility for household finances. However, with this method, both partners are responsible for paying the bills and managing the money. This can be a lot of work for one person, but it’s typically more manageable when shared. That said, even if you’re contributing the same amount of money toward joint expenses, you can still choose any way of allocating the financial logistics, research, and any other responsibilities.
Can Money Affect Marriages?
Oh yes, money can affect marriages. When a person thinks, "my husband wants me to pay half of everything," their entire marriage outlook can change. Money is often one of the most significant sources of stress in relationships, and it can be a leading cause of arguments and even divorce.
If you're having trouble managing your finances, or if money is causing arguments in your marriage, it's essential to seek professional help. Many resources are available to help couples manage their money, and there's no shame in seeking help from both a financial advisor and a therapist.
The Bottom Line: Is Paying Half of Everything the Best Approach for Your Relationship?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to how couples should split finances. The best approach will depend on your unique financial situation, relationship status, and goals.
For some couples, a 50/50 relationship makes the most sense. For others, a different arrangement on who should/how to pay the bills in a relationship may work better. The important thing is to find what works best for you and your partner.
Talk openly about your finances, and be honest about your desires and goals, as this gives you the best chance of understanding each other and ultimately getting on the same page. Then, if you're on the same page, it will be easier to find solutions that work for both of you!
Click here to take the "What's Your Couple's Money Personality Type?" quiz now!
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
