The Reasons Why My Husband* Has a Secret Bank Account
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
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'My husband has a secret bank account.'
Have you recently discovered an account you never knew existed? You aren't the first, and unfortunately, you probably won't be the last. But is a secret bank account always a bad thing?
Not necessarily.
While hiding money from a spouse usually isn't a good idea, your spouse's intentions may not be to hurt or deceive you. So whether you've discovered a secret savings account, credit card, or other hidden funds, keep reading to learn what you should do.
What a Secret Bank Account Means
A secret bank account is a bank account you didn't know existed. You might find out by unusual bank statements in the mail or a strange debit card or credit card in your husband's wallet. It may be innocent, but there also may be reason for concern.
For example, if you never showed any interest in dealing with the finances or understanding the financial affairs in your marriage, your husband may never have thought about telling you about the new joint or separate bank account. However, if your husband intentionally kept the bank account secret, it could be a form of financial infidelity.
Reasons for Hiding an Account
Hiding money or a bank account isn't good financial transparency in a marriage, but here are some common reasons spouses do it.
Hiding debt - If your spouse came to the marriage with a lot of debt, he might be embarrassed and not want you to know. Instead of telling you, he might keep a secret account to pay the credit card balances so you don't find out about them.
Fun money - If you and your spouse don't see eye-to-eye on spending, your husband may keep a secret bank account. Having money hidden that you can't see means he doesn't have to worry about any back-and-forth from you about spending money.
Fear of the relationship not lasting - Some people don't have faith in their marriage or constantly worry that things could fall apart. They keep extra money stored away in secret accounts to protect themselves and give them a way out.
Anxiety about the household finances - If your spouse doesn't trust you can adequately handle money management, he might keep savings or emergency funds secret to ensure financial security.
Surprises - Sometimes spouses have secret bank accounts to surprise their significant other on birthdays and special holidays. If this is your spouse's love language, your husband's secret bank account may not be ill-intentioned.
Is It Illegal to Hide Money From Your Spouse?
No laws state how a husband and wife need to handle money. While it should be the goal in any marriage to achieve good financial health and harmony, there aren't any laws stating that a spouse must disclose all their funds.
Is a Secret Bank Account Considered Financial Infidelity?
It's tricky to decide if a secret account is financial infidelity. First, it depends on the reason the account exists.
For example, if your husband's secret bank account is for fun surprises for you and the family, it's hardly infidelity. However, secret accounts may feel deceptive if your husband's behavior is unusual or you know he's hiding secret spending or other less-than-optimal habits.
How Can I Find Out if My Husband Has a Secret Bank Account?
The discovery process to determine if your husband has a secret bank account may be in-depth. You'll have to do some detective work.
Tax Documentation
You can start with your tax records. If your spouse or a tax advisor prepares your taxes, review them, looking for any accounts you don't recognize. For example, if the money is in an interest-bearing account, your husband must report it on your tax returns.
Online Activity on Shared Devices
This step requires some sleuthing because you must look into your husband's browsing history, bookmarked pages, or emails. If you have shared devices or share email addresses, look for activity at banks you don't recognize. For example, you might have bank statements in your email, or the search history may include searches for banks or credit cards.
Missing Money
Look at your most recent bank statements, specifically for large withdrawals or missing funds. For example, your spouse might start depositing a smaller portion of his paycheck or taking out large sums of money that is unusual for your typical process.
Follow the Paper Trail
Look closely for a paper trail that leads to secret accounts. For example, you might find canceled checks to accounts you don't recognize or mail from banks you know you don't have an account with. Also, look at your spouse's direct deposit. Is the entire paycheck going to your joint account like normal, or did your husband split the deposit, hoping you wouldn't notice?
How to Address a Spouse's Secret Bank Account
If you determine that your husband has a secret bank account, it's important to handle the situation carefully. Jumping in and accusing him of wrongdoing won't help, nor will threatening divorce proceedings.
Instead, take your time and use these simple steps.
Gather Evidence
Before accusing your spouse of wrongdoing, gather as much financial information as possible to be on the same page. Your evidence might include financial statements, emails, browsing history, or anything else you can gather to prove your point.
While you may suspect a secret bank account, this step can provide insight into the issue or, on the other hand, show you that your fears were just that, fears. Being well-informed helps set the foundation for productive conversations with your partner.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
When you talk to your spouse, have an honest conversation. Accusing one spouse of wrongdoing won't help. Instead, strategically bring up the subject, and have an open mind when he talks. You might disagree with his reasons, but listen to him. You may find he has underlying problems that caused the behavior, such as a shopping addiction or a deep-seated fear of not having enough money.
Prioritize Weekly Financial Communication
After opening up about the financial situation you've discovered:
Prioritize weekly financial communication.
Set up 'money dates' where you give each other undivided attention and discuss monthly budgets, joint finances, and financial responsibilities.
Keep each other on the same page, and help one another through any financial issues.
Work With a Couple's Financial Coach
If you can't work through the issues alone, consider a financial coach or professional who can help you manage your money and marriage. Someone who understands the importance of marital financial health can help you create a solid financial future with both partners on the same page.
Divorce vs. Marriage
If you go through the divorce process, your spouse can no longer hide money. This is one time in a marriage when hiding money is illegal.
In most states, couples must complete financial disclosures that detail all assets, liabilities, income, and expenses. Hiding anything during this process could result in legal consequences. All assets must be disclosed at this time, even if there are hidden accounts a spouse doesn't want to admit to having.
FAQs
Your husband may have a secret bank account for legit reasons like financial independence, surprises, or serious concerns about the marriage. However, typically, it's not a good idea. Here are a few more questions about secret bank accounts.
Are Separate Bank Accounts Marital Property?
In most cases, even separate accounts are considered marital property; however, exceptions do exist. The biggest one is when you have funds you acquired or received before marriage that were never commingled, that can be considered separate property. The same goes for funds acquired during the marriage, like an inheritance, that was never commingled. In the event of divorce, it depends on the state you live in (separate vs. community property states) and the judge's ruling as to what will be considered separate and marital property.
If Their Name Isn’t on It, Can Your Spouse Access Your Bank Account?
Your spouse's name must be on the bank account for them to access it. If it is a joint account, both spouses can access it. However, if you own a separate account in your name only, you are the only person that can access it.
Do All Married Couples Share Bank Accounts?
Married couples don't have to share bank accounts. It's not a legal right or requirement of marriage. Each relationship handles money differently. Some partners prefer a joint bank account, while others prefer to separate money.
What Is the Best Way to Hide Money Legally From a Spouse?
Since generally you shouldn't hide money from a spouse, there isn't necessarily a 'best' way to do it. However, if you're hiding money for legit reasons, such as a surprise or a way to leave a dangerous marriage safely, here are some examples of how to do so: you can get cash back from purchases, keep cash earned from side jobs hidden, or keep money in a safety deposit box.
My Husband Has a Secret Bank Account - The Bottom Line
Finding out about a secret bank account is never a good feeling, but don't jump to conclusions. Marriage is hard work, and sometimes spouses have reasons for hiding money. The key is to learn how to communicate with your spouse, and to be honest and open with one another, creating a marriage filled with harmony and happiness.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
