My Wife* Ran Up Credit Card Debt: Here's What to Do
*Anything said here can apply to people of any gender and to any type of relationship
If you think, 'My wife ran up credit card debt,' you might be wondering, what now? Is it grounds for divorce, or can you do something about it?
The good news is couples can work through financial troubles without incurring more debt by working as a team. The key is understanding the problem, clarifying how much debt there is, recognizing what must be done, and getting the proper help if you can't handle it yourselves.
My Wife Ran up Credit Card Debt Without Me Knowing
It can feel disheartening to find out your wife ran up credit card debt without you knowing. Even if you’ve always had a good relationship, there could be reasons your spouse ran up debt without talking to you. Whether you found out by accident when reviewing your credit report or stumbled across a large credit card bill and were shocked, the key is understanding how to work as a team to fix the situation and move forward.
While running up credit card debt isn't the best thing to happen, it's also not the worst, and there are ways to discuss debt and potential fixes to rectify both the marriage and your financial situation.
Am I Responsible if My Wife Ran up Credit Card Debt?
First, you probably wonder if you are held responsible for your spouse's credit card debt, especially if it is not joint credit card debt. The answer is that it depends on whose name the card is in and other factors.
Generally speaking, if you are held responsible, the debts incurred will show up on your credit report and could hurt your credit score, so know your rights and be sure to handle the debt properly.
Credit Cards in Her Name
If your wife has a separate account in her name only, you may be responsible even though it's not a joint account. It depends on when she racked up the debt and how the credit card was used.
If your wife had a credit card account before you got married, you aren't responsible for your spouse's credit card debt no matter where you live, even in common law states. If you divorce, the credit card debt your wife had before the marriage remains her responsibility, not yours, and will be a part of the separation agreement or divorce decree.
However, if your wife runs up credit card debt during the marriage, and you live in a community property state, the debt typically will get split evenly between you and your spouse if you divorce because it becomes community debt. This is true even if you have separate accounts.
In common law states, credit cards in your spouse's name only usually aren't your responsibility unless it's proven that the card was used for mutual benefit, such as household expenses. Then your partner's debts may also become yours in the divorce proceeding.
Credit Cards in Your Name Only
If you have credit cards in your name only, you are responsible for paying them. If your wife used the card without your permission, you could consider contacting the credit card company about the unauthorized charges, but that opens up more issues than you may want in your marriage. That's why open communication about finances is important in a marriage, because even if you didn't make the charges, you are still liable.
Credit Cards in Both Spouses' Names
You are equally liable for the consumer debt if you and your wife have joint credit card accounts. Even if your spouse racked up the debt without talking to you, the debt must be repaid. If neither party pays it, both credit scores will suffer from non-payment.
Credit Card Cosigner
If you cosigned a credit card for your spouse so she could get approved, you agree to be held liable for the debt if she doesn't pay the bill. Even if you didn't use the card, and it's your spouse's debt, it can hurt your credit history and scores if it goes unpaid.
Credit Card Authorized Users
Technically, an authorized user isn't liable for the credit card balance, but they have legal rights to use the card. If your wife racked up debt on a credit card, and you are just an authorized user, then you would typically only be responsible for the debt if you lived in a community property state.
My Wife Won't Tell How She Ran up Credit Card Debt
You might think you know everything your spouse does, so you probably wonder how she ran up credit card debt without you knowing, especially if you have joint accounts.
Here are some simple ways secret credit card debt could happen:
She opened a credit card in her name only
Your wife had the statement delivery changed to her email only (no mailed statement)
She uses credit cards she already had in her name before you married
Reasons Why Your Wife Ran up Credit Card Debt
You might wonder how your wife could run up credit card debt and not tell you. It can feel as if she cheated on you, and in some cases, it may be considered financial infidelity. But why does this happen, and how can you get on the same page?
Although each relationship is different, here are some common reasons it may happen:
Embarrassment
Some wives are embarrassed about their spending habits and think they can get control of it without sharing the details with you. They spend on the credit card, assuming they'll pay it off, but she puts you both in financial trouble before she knows it.
Control
Having control of finances is a big deal for some people, so if your wife feels a loss of control, she might rack up credit card debt in trying to feel again like she has some control. She might do it to 'get back' at you or to feel like she has a say in the financial situation.
Hiding Purchases
Some wives feel they need to hide purchases from their spouse, whether they feel you are too controlling or they have bad spending habits. They might worry about your backlash and its effect on the marriage.
Addiction
If your spouse suffers from an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or even shopping, it can cause her to hide her credit card purchases. She might use the card to get cash over the purchase amount so she has cash for other purchases and doesn't have to ask for it.
Steps to Move Forward After Your Spouse Ran up Credit Card Debt
Now that you know your spouse's credit card debt has greatly surpassed what you can afford, how do you move forward? Here are some simple steps.
Have Discussions About the Situation
First, have a discussion with your spouse about the situation. Avoid pointing fingers or placing blame for the number of credit card debts. Instead, take inventory of the situation together and discuss ways you can handle it.
Contact the Credit Card Issuer
If you can't afford the amount of credit card debt your wife created, contact the credit card issuer to discuss your options. If you're honest with them about the situation, they may have options to work with you, including lower interest rates or a more affordable payment arrangement.
Create a Budget
Together create a budget that allows you to pay off the debt in a timely manner. Avoid making only the minimum payments, and determine how much extra you can pay toward the debt to help you get back on your feet.
Create a Plan Moving Forward
If you aren't sure about your spouse's ability to not spend on credit cards, consider locking the credit cards for the time being. Don't be secretive about it; make the plan together.
If you think your spouse will be able to avoid racking up more credit card debt, consider having one spouse hold onto the cards. In addition, be sure to have financial goals set together so you both understand what money means to you in your relationship.
Tips for Managing Credit Cards in a Marriage
To manage credit cards in a marriage, consider these tips:
Set up alerts - Have alerts sent to both you and your spouse when someone uses the credit card. This keeps both parties accountable and aware of the debt.
Have a plan for payments - Discuss ahead of time how you'll handle the credit card payments, whether you're making minimum payments or paying the balance each month. Have someone in charge of making the payment.
Have a spending threshold - Together, choose a spending threshold that you agree is acceptable for either spouse to spend on the credit card, and be sure to discuss any spending above that amount.
FAQs
Is a Husband Responsible for His Wife’s Debts?
Whether a husband is responsible for the debt of a current or former spouse depends on the situation. If it isn't a joint credit card, and the husband didn't benefit from anything the credit card was used for, the husband may not be liable unless they live in one of the nine community property states.
Is Credit Card Debt Community Property?
Credit card debt can be community property if both parties benefit from the account, even if it is only in the name of one family member and not both. However, if the credit card is in a single person's name, it may not be community property if you don't live in a community property state.
How Do I Stop My Wife From Using Credit Cards?
It can feel hard to tell your wife 'no,' but there's a more tactful way to handle it. Instead of 'stopping her,' create a plan to work together to get out of debt and not incur more. Set spending thresholds, have more conversations about money, and think about the other financial goals you can reach when you get rid of all your credit card debts.
Can Debt Ruin Marriage?
Debt can ruin marriage if you don't handle it properly. The key is not to blame one another but instead to create a cohesive bond that allows both partners to feel seen and heard. Even if one partner puts you both into an excessive amount of shared debt, you can work together to get out of it.
Can a Husband Cancel His Wife’s Credit Cards?
A husband can only cancel a wife's credit card if it is a joint credit card. If the card is only in the wife's name, the husband cannot cancel it.
Is a Husband Responsible for His Wife’s Credit Card Debt or Student Loan Debt After Death?
The husband is liable for the debt if the credit card is a joint account. If the husband isn't a joint account holder or cosigner, then the debt comes out of the wife's estate.
Conclusion
It can feel alarming when you think, 'My wife ran up credit card debt,' but there are ways to fix it. The key is to get a hold of your credit reports, figure out how much debt exists, and how you can move forward. If you and your wife can't work through it together, consider securing the help of a financial counselor to help you discuss debt and get back on track.
Want to level up your game around money in your relationship? My free quiz will help you learn your Couple’s Money Personality Type AND how you can grow from there!
Adam Kol is The Couples Financial Coach. He helps couples go from financial overwhelm or fighting to clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Adam is a Certified Financial Therapist-I™, Certified Mediator, and Tax Attorney with a Duke Law degree and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. He is a husband, dad, and musician, as well.
Adam's wisdom has been shared with The Wall Street Journal, the Baltimore Ravens, CNBC, NewsNation, and more.
